To me the secret to living a wonderful life, filled with joyous experience and happiness, lies in knowing what you want. For some people this is extremely challenging and just to contemplate it causes them a headache. I’m pretty sure that this is normal.

The easiest way to tackle this is to begin to practice. Start simple with a small scrap of paper with 3 or 4 things on it that you want. It doesn’t have to be major things, anything will do. The most important thing is to have a list! Now the first thing that can happen here is that as you sit down to write your list your mind delivers a stream of useless advice - such as, “You don’t really want that”, “What do you want that for?” or “Don’t be stupid!” Most people crumple under the pressure and don’t bother. Here’s that old saying - “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

So, make a decision that inspite of the negative doubts and self-critical thoughts, you are going to compile this list; even if they do seem silly or you feel stupid doing it.

Done that? Really? Do it now.

Ok, so now you have your list of things - we’re going to call this Life’s Shopping List. First things first, these are going to be things that you want and most of the time (but not always) they involve some kind of financial commitment. Make a promise to yourself that you are going to use money you have earned and not money you have borrowed from a bank, credit card or from money you would use to pay your bills. If this is not possible for you then get some financial help and sort out your money first.

Now, select one of these things as a goal - it’s best if it’s likely to take you about 2 or 3 months to complete or save for. Next - set a plan. Are there things you need to do in order to make it happen? List them down. How much money do you have to put aside in order to make it happen? Where are you going to save the money?

Lastly - the fun part! Working towards your goal and then the celebration. Find someone to be accountable to, if it helps you. Your family or friends are usually the best people to start with; or of course you can hire a Life Coach. You can do simple things like stick a photo of your goal on the fridge to keep you motivated towards it.

If you need to, you can review the goal as you are working towards it and if necessary adjust the timings accordingly. If you’ve selected something simple as your first goal, then hopefully this will not be necessary and you’ll soon be celebrating your achievement.

Once you’ve done it once, it’s a simple matter of rinse and repeat. You certainly don’t have to restrict yourself to one goal at a time - it’s likely that you’ll have many on the go at once, some short-term, some longer-term plans. A great idea is to get yourself a dream book and begin to fill it with things that you’d like to be, do or have. Some categories to help you think: Home, Physical, Service, Family, Spiritual, Relationships, Work, Money, Personal.

I like to have one goal per page of my book and then I can make notes and stick in photos and other things as I’m moving towards them. It’s wonderful to sit every day for a few minutes and review your achievements and progress and maybe add a few more things that you’d like.

For those of you for whom thinking of things that you want is difficult, as you practice you’ll find it gets easier as you start to achieve little things.

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Technorati Tags: accountable, achievement, Action Plan, celebration, dreams, goal, Goals, happiness, Life Coaching, money, wonderful life

I am frequently asked what happens in a Life Coaching Session, especially on a social level where people are interested in what it is you do. The most common misconception I find is that people think that they are going to be told what to do to improve their lives. To me, you can get that from friends, family, colleagues, bosses etc. who all have ideas and opinions about how you should best live your life! The coaches who work with me as their client, would not have my business if they had a whole load of answers to give me! You spend much of your life surrounded by people telling you what to do - and if you’re not happy from all their input and training, then surely try a different approach!

In my life coaching sessions, and indeed also my executive coaching sessions,  the majority of the actual work is done by the client. They are, after all, the person with all the questions and often the vast majority of the answers. From my own experience, working with good coaches, it feels to me like you are sitting there having a conversation with another version of yourself. The coach asks questions that prompt you to think about your topic in a different way, or helps you consider options and outcomes for the situation. Frequently, the coach asks questions that you feel painful or you perhaps do not want to face up to, but my experience of being on the receiving end of those questions is that you have the most to gain from answering them.

During a life coaching session, the coach will frequently not speak and allow silence to flourish. My experience of these moments as a client, are wonderful - when faced with nothing else to think about than what is on your mind, the thoughts, ideas and answers that flow from you are incredible. The challenge we have in our lives is that we do not normally make time or space for this silence in which we can allow these thoughts, ideas and answers to emerge. As well, we do not generally have someone with us to keep us on track when our mind inevitably wanders.

One of the greatest gifts a coach can offer, besides helping to make change and happiness in your life, is the opportunity to be truly heard and understood. There are so few people in our lives who really “get” us or who have the time to do so and I find that many people who I coach, have not previously had the opportunity at all. Sometimes in my life coaching sessions, just a half-hour or hour of being understood can generate incredible changes in mood, emotion, thoughts, feelings and enable people to feel happy.

I believe there is a magic in coaching that is very difficult to describe, however the great thing is that it’s easy to enjoy the benefits, even if you can’t describe the magic.

Technorati Tags: benefits, Change, Coaching, happiness, life coaching sessions, magic, understood

A festival at my daughter’s school today really got me thinking about the role of a Coach, and indeed the role that some people choose for their lives. The festival related to advent and the children and teachers took it in turns to walk to the centre of a spiral, carrying a candle. In the centre they lit their candle and then carefully placed the candle somewhere along the journey back along the spiral. Every now and again one of the candles would go out and a couple of the teachers re-lit the candles as they took their turn to light and place their candle somewhere.

When all the children and the teachers were finished, a few of the parents were invited to make the journey and light a candle. When my turn came I had noticed that one of the candles had gone out and I instinctively re-lit it before placing my candle.

Two things really grabbed me, the first was the journey that each child or teacher made to light their candle and then leave it somewhere along the way, the second was the fact that every now and again, one of the candles went out and it took someone else to re-light it. For me the candles represent a person shining brightly - when all the candles shine together the light increases. When a light goes out, it takes another to help to re-light it, for me this is a large part of my journey. I find the process of being a Coach immensely rewarding and to be able to help people find their light within is an extraordinary privilege.

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Just a quick plug for a workshop that starts in January 2008 which will focus on building confidence and self-esteem. From my experience, this is one of the most common areas that people explore in coaching and our focus as a company is to provide workshops that will help with ideas and exercises that can help.

The first workshop is on Saturday 26th January 2008 and will be held at SoundBites in Derby. The workshop runs from 10am to 5pm and costs £40 including lunch and refreshments. You can view details and book by clicking here.

This post is also a useful time to show off the new look blog which we have now converted to WordPress for greater flexibility.

Technorati Tags: confidence, self-esteem, workshops

This time of year is perfect for considering what our plans for next year might be. The first thing I like to do is have a review, or “Celebrate and Fix” for the current year. This involves celebrating and recognising yourself for all your achievements this year. It can be very useful to check against your year plan if you have one.

The fix part of this is not designed to be a negative look at your year, for me there is no value in this. Fix is to do with anything that you have achieved or things you have done which you can improve on for the future. This can be a very valuable session to have in Coaching as it can really help clear the way for focus on the coming year and your goals and desires.

How to deal with the items on your list that haven’t been done? Well, start by considering if they are still things you wish to achieve and are still excited about. Then if you are, they can go on next year’s plan if appropriate. If there are things on there you feel you should have done, then make a new commitment to yourself to get them done. To spend time concentrating on why you haven’t done it is not usually productive and ends up in self-criticism and lower self-esteem and confidence.

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Technorati Tags: Celebrate, Coaching, Fix, Goals, Plan, Review