We live in a world where we expect everything now and while this can be useful, it can seriously get in the way of our growth and personal development. Change is something that takes time… sometimes it’s a life’s work. It can’t be hurried and you can’t make it happen before you are ready for it.

You can go on courses and workshops, read books, listen to audio or watch video and all this will leave you feeling profoundly different. The bottom line is that no one can force you or make you change your life. You have to be willing, be prepared to put in time and effort, and give yourself the time and space to make mistakes. Otherwise all the learning, courses, books and audio/video are a waste.

I learned several years ago that in order to successfully help people turn their lives around and achieve their goals, there has to be a strong desire and commitment to the process of change. Sometimes it can be a rough ride… stamina is a useful thing to have.

I’ve yet to meet anyone who hasn’t felt that the journey has been worth the time and effort. Even when the destination isn’t quite ideal, you learn so much along the way that it’s always worth it.

It strikes me that the main regrets people have are about opportunities they didn’t take and changes they didn’t make. Of course we make poor decisions from time to time, but there is always some good learning to take away from it. Allow this to happen without beating yourself up and you’ll soon be on the right road.

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Something I read this morning in a book by Eckhart Tolle, “A New Earth” has really helped to click a few ideas into place for me with regards to being non-judgmental. The ideas I present here draw on his writings and other information I have gathered from my work and experience. Personally, I prefer the term unconditional acceptance to non-judgment as it focuses on what you want, rather than what you are trying to avoid - judgment.

From personal experience, I have found non-judgment and unconditional acceptance very easy in my work as a life coach. The reason for this lies is in my belief that my client is able to be creative, resourceful and whole. In short, I believe they have the potential to be, do and have anything they want. Furthermore I understand that the person who presents themselves to me is not neccessarily who they really are.

I’m certainly not suggesting that I am judgment free, I acknowledge that in many ways we are programmed to judge from birth. Indeed some of the judgments and beliefs we create are vital to our survival. I think that the most enlightened we can be is to unconditionally accept things, in spite of our judgment of them. In other words, as long as we acknowledge our judgments and do not allow them to shape our thinking, our words or our actions then we can be true to ourselves.

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I find the phrase Comfort Zone to be quite a paradox. I’m yet to meet someone who is in their comfort zone who truly feels comfortable there. I’ll admit that there have been times when I’ve chosen to remain in my comfort zone, however that place to me is full of fear and uncertainty - not quite what I expect Comfort to be.

Answer me this question, “If the vast majority of people live and operate in their Comfort Zones, how come the vast majority of people are so negative and miserable?”

So why exactly is it called the Comfort Zone? Well my theory (conspiracy theorists will love this) is that it’s become known as the Comfort Zone to attract the general population to remain in that place and not rise up and reach their full potential. It certainly does the trick and we do little to dissuade people that there is more comfort, happiness and love to be found outside the comfort zone. In fact we create fear when we ask them to leave the comfort zone - they believe that they are going to be uncomfortable outside of it.

This is perhaps a time to consider changing our terminology; why not call the comfort zone the “discomfort zone” and call the outside place the “freedom zone”? We can now invite people to step into the freedom zone, the place where change is possible and our fears are overcome and diminished, and away from the discomfort zone.

To me the bottom line is that being in the comfort zone means we live in fear of not being comfortable and this paralyses people into staying put. Changing the way we describe these zones will create a new sense of identity with them for most people. I’d be willing to bet that most people would prefer to be in a freedom zone than a discomfort zone.

So, if you wish, I’d encourage you to step into your Freedom Zone and leave behind your discomfort zone.

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One of the biggest challenges we face when we undergo a process of change is the effect that this has on our friends, families and work colleagues. There is a status quo that we have established over the years that resists the changes we make and this often means that the change is short-lived. In order to make lasting change, you have to change your thinking. This does not normally happen overnight, although it is possible and the time in between the old thinking and the new thinking can be a rough ride.

Sometimes it can be enough to simply be aware that you are going to meet this resistance so that you can prepare and do everything you can to stay on track. Once the people around you have accepted the change, they will begin to adapt to the new you and you can make the changes permanent.

Other times, especially if the changes you are making are quite different from your normal way of being, you will need a plan to help you stay on track. It can also be useful to have someone to make the journey with, perhaps a partner, friend or life coach. What will the plan be? For most people, setting plans is not second nature, however if you are good at setting goals and plans, then you’ll have your own approach which may work best for you. So let’s look at some elements of a plan of personal change or growth.

The first step is to establish a timescale - think about the size of your task and then put a date on your achieving this new thinking. Next, break down the plan into easy to manage steps. The most effective plans I’ve ever seen are the most simple and they generally have daily elements that the person cannot make any excuse to not do. Run it through with someone who can give you an idea if your timescale and elements seem sound.

One of the most important things that will help you to succeed and get through the period where you will experience resistance is having a way of monitoring your progress. The simplest way of doing this is to keep a diary of your feelings and experiences as you begin and then everyday or every few days as you progress towards your goal. The advantage is that you can read through this whenever you feel like it’s not working out and you’ll easily see how far you have come and be motivated again towards the new thinking and the new you.

Another simple tip is to identify areas and people where there are extreme reactions and deal with them. Have a chat with them face to face and explain your new behaviours and allow them to express how it is making them feel. To ignore this and allow the anger, resentment, sadness, guilt and other negative emotions to exist between you is likely to mean the end of the relationship. Most people will understand your reasons for changing and will find their own way to deal with that, provided they understand what is going on for you.

Making major life changes and undergoing personal development and growth is a process that takes commitment, perseverance and focus. The end result is worth the challenges, the upheavals and the stretch of your relationships - in the end you will be stronger and so will your relationships.

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One of the most important components of dreams, goals and the Law of Attraction is visualisation. Most people understand the basic concept of picturing that which they want in their mind. It is not a new concept, but it has certainly reached more people since the release of the film The Secret. It’s well discussed there and in numerous other books, articles, dvds etc. More information and resources can be found by clicking this link to Amazon - The Secret at Amazon

The thing to remember is that in order to take this tool to its fullest potential in your life, you need to create not only images in your mind. The extra ingredients of feelings, emotions, sounds and any other senses you can include, creates a more powerful visualisation and with it a more powerful link between you and that which you want. The more real the reality in your head, the more real the reality in your life will become.

This is not a tool simply to create money or objects in your life, you can use this to define who you are. For instance, if you lack confidence, then visualising yourself as confident, picturing what you are doing, how you look, how you sound, how you feel and as much detail as possible, is a fantastic way to increase your confidence. Spend time every day thinking about this and including these extra details into your mental images. In fact for some people, they find mental images challenging, but can easily create a sense or a feeling in their minds - for these people, work on your mental images. It is important to practice and above all, have fun with this. Once you believe it in your mind, you can see, feel, hear, smell and even taste it, you will know deep down that this will be your reality. You are on the road to success in whatever you want - enjoy the journey!

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