April 30, 2008

Knowing What You Want - Create Your Life’s Shopping List

To me the secret to living a wonderful life, filled with joyous experience and happiness, lies in knowing what you want. For some people this is extremely challenging and just to contemplate it causes them a headache. I’m pretty sure that this is normal.

The easiest way to tackle this is to begin to practice. Start simple with a small scrap of paper with 3 or 4 things on it that you want. It doesn’t have to be major things, anything will do. The most important thing is to have a list! Now the first thing that can happen here is that as you sit down to write your list your mind delivers a stream of useless advice - such as, “You don’t really want that”, “What do you want that for?” or “Don’t be stupid!” Most people crumple under the pressure and don’t bother. Here’s that old saying - “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

So, make a decision that inspite of the negative doubts and self-critical thoughts, you are going to compile this list; even if they do seem silly or you feel stupid doing it.

Done that? Really? Do it now.

Ok, so now you have your list of things - we’re going to call this Life’s Shopping List. First things first, these are going to be things that you want and most of the time (but not always) they involve some kind of financial commitment. Make a promise to yourself that you are going to use money you have earned and not money you have borrowed from a bank, credit card or from money you would use to pay your bills. If this is not possible for you then get some financial help and sort out your money first.

Now, select one of these things as a goal - it’s best if it’s likely to take you about 2 or 3 months to complete or save for. Next - set a plan. Are there things you need to do in order to make it happen? List them down. How much money do you have to put aside in order to make it happen? Where are you going to save the money?

Lastly - the fun part! Working towards your goal and then the celebration. Find someone to be accountable to, if it helps you. Your family or friends are usually the best people to start with; or of course you can hire a Life Coach. You can do simple things like stick a photo of your goal on the fridge to keep you motivated towards it.

If you need to, you can review the goal as you are working towards it and if necessary adjust the timings accordingly. If you’ve selected something simple as your first goal, then hopefully this will not be necessary and you’ll soon be celebrating your achievement.

Once you’ve done it once, it’s a simple matter of rinse and repeat. You certainly don’t have to restrict yourself to one goal at a time - it’s likely that you’ll have many on the go at once, some short-term, some longer-term plans. A great idea is to get yourself a dream book and begin to fill it with things that you’d like to be, do or have. Some categories to help you think: Home, Physical, Service, Family, Spiritual, Relationships, Work, Money, Personal.

I like to have one goal per page of my book and then I can make notes and stick in photos and other things as I’m moving towards them. It’s wonderful to sit every day for a few minutes and review your achievements and progress and maybe add a few more things that you’d like.

For those of you for whom thinking of things that you want is difficult, as you practice you’ll find it gets easier as you start to achieve little things.

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October 27, 2007

Brainstorming and Chunking

One of the roles of a coach is in being a sounding board during brainstorming, where a client considers all the options available to them and begins to formulate an action plan. During a coaching session, the client often discovers incredible ideas, thoughts and possibilities that they hadn’t considered before.

It is important to state that the role of the coach in this environment is simply to listen, make notes if required and ask an occasional question that may help the process move forward. The difference between this and an environment such as at work, is that there is only one opinion in the equation and the client can freely explore the limits of their thoughts and imagination without interference.

Once the brainstorming process is completed, the next stage is to prioritise and select things to work on. The final stage for this post, is called chunking. This is simply breaking everything down into chunks or elements that can be put into an order to form an action plan.

For some people this is commonplace in their work, but most have never considered the value this can have in other areas of their lives. I’m always struck by the variety of styles that people will adopt in this process: Some are meticulous in their detail, some draw elaborate diagrams or mind-maps, while others are content to have 5 or 6 bits of paper with some words written on them. What I’ve come to realise is that each of us has the idea that ours is the best way… In fact we are all right.

The best way for us is the way that we say it is - something worth remembering the next time you feel inclined to offer advice.

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Dan O'Neil's Personal Development Blog

I'm a Life Coach based in the Midlands, UK. I have helped hundreds of people to improve their circumstances and achieve their goals in life. This blog is a series of my thoughts and ideas on self improvement and personal development.

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