This is a question that always makes me think. There are so many books, courses and other media that we have available which mention positive thinking as a key to having a wonderful, enriched and fulfilled life. Some of them appear to suggest that through the power of thought alone, we can literally create anything we want for ourselves. Now, I’ve believed three different ideas here - the first that positive thinking alone can provide you with everything; another that positive thinking is a complete load of codswallop; and the last that positive thinking is vital, however it is only the first step to creating that which we want.

I’m currently of the opinion that positive thinking is vital, but we need to add the other two parts to complete the process. These two parts are words and actions. I remember something from my childhood about “thought, word and deed” which is a useful phrase here. The idea that thoughts create words, which in turn create deeds (or actions) and the actions create that which we want.

The first position here (certainly the one which I first occupied) is the belief that positive thinking is a load of rubbish, new-age thinking that doesn’t get anyone anywhere in life, because you have to work hard to get anywhere etc, etc. There is certainly value in this belief, I perhaps would question if this is the most blind place to be as this type of person is unlikely to consider the possibility that they may be wrong. Of course I’m not saying that they are!

The second position, where simply by thinking, we can create whatever we want is a wonderful place to be (provided it is working out for us) otherwise there is the possibility that we will go back to the first position or will decide that the third position is more appropriate. This position is perhaps on the surface the most appealing, because it involves very little responsibility and action on our parts. I personally have spent a good deal of my life in this place, however the lack of results may also be attributed to a lack of belief in my goals.

The third position, where I am currently choosing to reside, recognises the value of positive thinking and believes that it is a tool for us to create words and actions that will bring our desires into our reality. To me this is enormously attractive as my joy in life is often found in the journey towards my goals, although they taste pretty sweet when they arrive! The sense of achievement that my thoughts, words and actions have created is a wonderful reward in itself.

I am not a proponent of any type of thinking, I believe that the value of life is to think what you like. I simply ask you to consider your thoughts on this question, even if you think like me, consider the value of the other positions and question your own belief and thinking to either strengthen or create a new way of thinking that is better suited to you. As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts, ideas or opinions on this question.

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I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like this: you feel unshakable and if things get in the way, you shrug them off or deal with them fast. It’s like being in flow, in the moment or in the zone. In my experience it’s a wonderful place to be and for me it comes about when I am really excited about and totally focused on something.

The real thing here is to establish how you get into that place and then how do you maintain it? To me it boils down to having a purpose or meaning that you are single-mindedly committed to. In that place you are full of confidence (even if a little nervous excitement is present) and great things seem to happen. I think I’ve mentioned before that an old mentor of mine had an expression “Moments of Intensity” and certainly these feel like them.

So how do you find your purpose or meaning? Well, that’s a tough one. I’ve recommended Viktor Frankl’s book, “Man’s Search For Meaning” which will undoubtedly help. I believe that the first place to start is to consider the roles that you have in your life, such as parent, partner, child, sibling, employee, boss, business owner etc and find things in there that you can begin to define your meaning. The bottom line is to find what your life is all about, which is as simple as you stating what that is. As Neale Donald Walsch says in The Secret, there is no blackboard in the sky with your purpose written on it that you have to find. It is your responsibility to define it for yourself and then live your life to the full, expressing yourself through that purpose. There certainly can be more than one, of course one is a good place to start.

Technorati Tags: Beliefs, confidence, focus, how, meaning, neale donald walsch, Plan, purpose, responsibility

Today I’d like to look at the old adage, “What goes around, comes around”, from the perspective of what I like to think of as a circle of giving and receiving. I personally spent a few years in a place of looking for recognition and sadly received very little. In fact the times I did receive recognition, I was too blinkered by my belief that I wasn’t getting any, to actually notice it.

This pattern continued for me until I discovered the Law of Reciprocity - that states that you have to give in order to receive. For me, this was a whole new concept and I set about giving away recognition in the hope that I would in turn receive some.

However, this was not successful for me at all, and it really took some coaching, a few years ago, for me to determine why. All the time I was giving away recognition, it was on condition that it would be returned to me - to complete the circle of giving and receiving. Because it was conditional recognition, it didn’t really serve any purpose or meaning for either me or the recipient.

My realisation of this enabled me to change my perspective and I no longer give recognition because I feel I have to, in fact I no longer even have need of recognition - although I enjoy it as much as anybody. My detachment and deeper understanding has meant that I now give recognition when I feel I wish to and also I happily and gratefully receive any recognition given to me with no expectations.

This idea of unconditional giving and unconditional receiving - where you are both able to freely give and receive - applies to anything in life, not least of which money, joy and love. I would certainly stress at this point - do not give away anything that you have an attachment to. If there is any doubt in your mind that you are doing this simply to receive in return, then there are conditions on your giving that will break the flow.

There is some very interesting reading on this subject to be found in the Conversations With God series of books by Neale Donald Walsch: When we give something away, the Universe automatically assumes that we have that thing - otherwise how could we give it away! In the case of love and joy, giving love and joy unconditionally will serve to increase the love and joy you have and experience - the same is true of tangible things.

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Something I hear a lot in coaching circles is this idea of being “happy in the not-knowing”. To me it’s like having no expectation or opinion about something you really have no idea about. Examples of this situation include going on a date, a business or sales meeting, a reunion etc. Simply situations where an outcome is not certain, although one or several may be desired.

If you enter into these situations happy in the not-knowing of an outcome, you are able to detach yourself from the outcome and really be yourself. There is a great power in this place - not power in the sense of power over someone or something, but power over yourself. It really is a wonderful place to be - to be truly you is to experience yourself as you really are in that moment.

It’s not an easy thing to do, we have a bunch of limiting beliefs, past experiences, dreams, hormones, desires and other thoughts and things that get in the way. It takes discipline and practice and I’m not suggesting for a second that I’m an expert - it’s just as tough for me!

I encourage my coachees to have this attitude and it seems to me that those who can be happy in the not-knowing have more successful experiences in their sessions. (Although of course success is subjective and I understand it is only my opinion here.)

Try it - if it works for you, practice and enjoy it! If not, then that’s great too.

As always I love to read your comments and feedback - click the comments link below to leave your comments.

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It seems to be part of our nature that we make judgments. We do it unconsciously and all of the time.

From our very first few thoughts we are trying to make sense of the world around us. Our brain has a compulsion to understand everything that we see, hear, feel, smell or taste. This, of course, is how we learn.

One of the challenges facing an Executive or Life Coach is being able to be totally impartial and non-judgmental. This is also something that is very useful in all walks of life and can often make the difference between greatness and normality.

When someone or something presents you with a situation that defies some of your core beliefs, this is a near impossible task. Your brain must support your beliefs, that is its job, hence you are likely to react with a strong emotional response.

One of the most effective ways to remain in a place of non-judgment, is to simply remember that this person or situation is not part of your experience. It certainly is not in your realm of responsibiliy.

You can, of course, try to change them or the situation, but how likely is that? From the point of view of a coach, this is overstepping your role and responsibility, and it undermines your ability to facilitate change.

So when someone does or says somehing that you choose to react to with judgment, remember that this person is creating their experience, just as you are creating yours, and has chosen their own actions. If you can offer them support with this understanding, you are well placed to help them to help themselves.

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Technorati Tags: Beliefs, Coaching, Creating, greatness, learning, responsibility