The people I encounter in my coaching work never cease to amaze and astound me. The most common theme amongst people who make something of their lives (by their own definition of course) is that they always use their circumstances to their advantage. Be it ill-health, lack of money, lack of education or skill, whatever their circumstances they do what they want to do anyway; nothing stands in their way.

I’ve certainly met plenty of people who are the opposite - in my network marketing days I encountered so many people for whom their circumstances were the reason they chose not to succeed. Ultimately it all boils down to one thing… EXCUSES!

Life is littered with examples of people who have made fortunes and built incredible companies, organisations and charities in spite of their circumstances and upbringing. To them, it is just a part of life, something to be celebrated and used to motivate them towards their own greatness.

Today, I’d like to ask you which of your circumstances is your excuse for not moving toward your goals and dreams? Ultimately it doesn’t matter what your excuse is - it will prevent you from achieving what you set out to do.

Start by celebrating your circumstances - after all you would not be you today without them!

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I have recently had the privilege to work alongside a colleague in the Coaching profession, who works with a class of students from a college (aged between 18 and 24). We did a couple of exercises with them to help them with their preparations for their careers and it was extremely rewarding to be involved. The general theme of the classes is around them discussing their issues and then proposing together some strategies and ideas to help them all move forward. In this particular industry, this co-creative learning is virtually unheard of and the challenges of competition create more of a dog-eat-dog environment.

My brief observation at the time was that for many of these young men and women, this is likely to be the first time that they have ever had to think for themselves. The general theme of most teaching of children in schools and adults in university is about how things are done and learning to do things the way they’ve always been done. (Clearly there are going to be exceptions to this.) My description at the time was that here is a class where these people can learn to become adults and independent thinkers.

I’ve been pondering on this experience and observation for a few weeks now and I’m really quite excited about the possibilities of this style of learning and how it might effect us all if we were allowed to create our own learning experience from a much younger age. In this time of prescriptive teaching, standardised testing and general pigeon-holing of our children, surely we are simply creating a generation of children who are ill-equipped to think for themselves and will simply watch TV and play on the Wii until they have to get up and go to work in order that they can be told what to do. I talk to many people who bemoan the fact that some young people starting new jobs seem unable to take initiative and get on with their work, expecting instead to be told what to do all the time. Imagine the possibilities for our world if our next generation emerged from school, college or university able to think for themselves, to challenge existing thinking and make positive marks on the world around them…

It’s not surprising that so many people consider home education or alternative schooling such as Steiner or Montessori education for their children. I have a deep respect for people who are out there enabling this kind of co-creative learning for our children and young adults and take my hat off to you for making a difference not only to the lives of the people you touch, but also to the lives of the people they touch.

Technorati Tags: children, Coaching, Creating, empowering, experience, learning, parenting

I am frequently asked what happens in a Life Coaching Session, especially on a social level where people are interested in what it is you do. The most common misconception I find is that people think that they are going to be told what to do to improve their lives. To me, you can get that from friends, family, colleagues, bosses etc. who all have ideas and opinions about how you should best live your life! The coaches who work with me as their client, would not have my business if they had a whole load of answers to give me! You spend much of your life surrounded by people telling you what to do - and if you’re not happy from all their input and training, then surely try a different approach!

In my life coaching sessions, and indeed also my executive coaching sessions,  the majority of the actual work is done by the client. They are, after all, the person with all the questions and often the vast majority of the answers. From my own experience, working with good coaches, it feels to me like you are sitting there having a conversation with another version of yourself. The coach asks questions that prompt you to think about your topic in a different way, or helps you consider options and outcomes for the situation. Frequently, the coach asks questions that you feel painful or you perhaps do not want to face up to, but my experience of being on the receiving end of those questions is that you have the most to gain from answering them.

During a life coaching session, the coach will frequently not speak and allow silence to flourish. My experience of these moments as a client, are wonderful - when faced with nothing else to think about than what is on your mind, the thoughts, ideas and answers that flow from you are incredible. The challenge we have in our lives is that we do not normally make time or space for this silence in which we can allow these thoughts, ideas and answers to emerge. As well, we do not generally have someone with us to keep us on track when our mind inevitably wanders.

One of the greatest gifts a coach can offer, besides helping to make change and happiness in your life, is the opportunity to be truly heard and understood. There are so few people in our lives who really “get” us or who have the time to do so and I find that many people who I coach, have not previously had the opportunity at all. Sometimes in my life coaching sessions, just a half-hour or hour of being understood can generate incredible changes in mood, emotion, thoughts, feelings and enable people to feel happy.

I believe there is a magic in coaching that is very difficult to describe, however the great thing is that it’s easy to enjoy the benefits, even if you can’t describe the magic.

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A festival at my daughter’s school today really got me thinking about the role of a Coach, and indeed the role that some people choose for their lives. The festival related to advent and the children and teachers took it in turns to walk to the centre of a spiral, carrying a candle. In the centre they lit their candle and then carefully placed the candle somewhere along the journey back along the spiral. Every now and again one of the candles would go out and a couple of the teachers re-lit the candles as they took their turn to light and place their candle somewhere.

When all the children and the teachers were finished, a few of the parents were invited to make the journey and light a candle. When my turn came I had noticed that one of the candles had gone out and I instinctively re-lit it before placing my candle.

Two things really grabbed me, the first was the journey that each child or teacher made to light their candle and then leave it somewhere along the way, the second was the fact that every now and again, one of the candles went out and it took someone else to re-light it. For me the candles represent a person shining brightly - when all the candles shine together the light increases. When a light goes out, it takes another to help to re-light it, for me this is a large part of my journey. I find the process of being a Coach immensely rewarding and to be able to help people find their light within is an extraordinary privilege.

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This time of year is perfect for considering what our plans for next year might be. The first thing I like to do is have a review, or “Celebrate and Fix” for the current year. This involves celebrating and recognising yourself for all your achievements this year. It can be very useful to check against your year plan if you have one.

The fix part of this is not designed to be a negative look at your year, for me there is no value in this. Fix is to do with anything that you have achieved or things you have done which you can improve on for the future. This can be a very valuable session to have in Coaching as it can really help clear the way for focus on the coming year and your goals and desires.

How to deal with the items on your list that haven’t been done? Well, start by considering if they are still things you wish to achieve and are still excited about. Then if you are, they can go on next year’s plan if appropriate. If there are things on there you feel you should have done, then make a new commitment to yourself to get them done. To spend time concentrating on why you haven’t done it is not usually productive and ends up in self-criticism and lower self-esteem and confidence.

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