I’ve been thinking a great deal lately about the role of a life coach in someone’s life. To me, unless you are incredibly self-sufficient, if one of your goals is to be the best you can be, then you need a coach. The life coach’s role is to challenge you to new levels of achievement and happiness in order that you can exceed your own expectations of how far you are able to go. Working with someone who is impartial and has the ability to help you to see beyond your highest vision of yourself is an incredible experience (one which I would sorely miss if I didn’t have the opportunity myself).

So what can you do to get the best out of yourself? Here is an exercise that will help you:

1. Grab a pad and write down as much as you can to express the highest vision of yourself that you are able to see. Imagine that anything is possible - don’t limit yourself by your current situation or experiences. It can be a really useful exercise to consider a particular area of your life - maybe one that you wish to make improvements to. You can pick from friends, family, health, work, recreation, character, money, physical environment, spiritual or choose a word that has meaning to you. Make it more of a description of yourself (than simply a list of words) in relation to your chosen area. Ensure that you write it in the present tense as though it is happening now. Ignore the doubts and negative thoughts and feelings you might have as you are writing - it’s not important whether you believe you can be, do or have any of this right now. We’ll call this your “New Desire for Yourself”.
2. If you are a believer in the Law of Attraction (and usually make things happen for yourself) then this may already be enough for you to begin to create this reality in your life. Simply read it through every day - making enhancements and improvements if you feel like it - and really believe this “New Desire for Yourself” is your reality now. If you want to make sure, then you can move onto the next step.
3. Considering your current situation and reality, begin to write down a list of options available to you in order to begin to move towards this “New Desire for Yourself”. Be open to anything that you think of, even if it seems like a ridiculous option, write it down. For many people, this list of options will grow and evolve over a period of a few days or weeks - as you read it through every day (as often as possible really) then ideas will come up that you can add to the list. Now, at some point you are going to have to take some action to change.
4. Take action! Massive action will lead to massive results - if you are really serious about making these changes and achieving your new desire, then you have to make big changes. I’d suggest that for the majority of people who “try” out the law of attraction, their biggest downfall is not taking action or making changes. You can’t think things into being - you have to do something also!

I genuinely believe that there is no substitute for coaching if you are in pursuit of self-excellence. However, there is much that you can do by yourself and I hope that this simple process will help you to create a better reality for yourself.

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Many of my clients come to me with very little self-esteem and this question about how to build your self-esteem comes up frequently. Below I’ve listed a few ideas that can help you to begin the process of building your self-esteem up.

1. Keep a Diary. This is a really important step because if you do not have anything written down that you can refer to along the way, it’s really difficult to see how far you’ve come.
2. Ask 5 of your friends to list 5 positive qualities or things they respect or admire about you. Keep your conversation with them simple and don’t get drawn into a long conversation about what you expect from them. Simply allow them to complete the exercise however they choose. When you get the sheets back, read them a few times - you’ll be amazed!
3. Keep a “fluffy file” (or something more manly if you prefer) that contains all your feedback from no.2 as well as any letters of praise you receive or things that remind you of your positive qualities. Some people like to keep birthday cards with special messages inside. Whenever you feel low, get out your file and look through it.
4. Define the important roles in your life - such as a parent, a partner, an employee, a business owner, a son, a niece, a friend etc. It’s possible to come up with quite a long list of these roles. Once you have your list, think about each one and consider your place in each of them. How important is this role to you? What do you do well in this role? If the role affects another person, in what ways to you enrich their lives? Remember to be positive about this, if you think negative thoughts about your roles in life, then it’s not going to help your self-esteem. For some people this process can be difficult and it may be worth considering help from a life coach or other therapist.
5. Think about the following questions - it can be helpful to write down your answers and do this process every few months (at least every 6).
   • What are your strengths?
   • What have you achieved so far in your life?
   • Who in your life appreciates you?
   • What do you like about yourself?
   • What positive qualities do others see in you?
6. Read books - there are lots of great self-help books to choose from. Read the titles of them in your local bookstore and grab the first one that speaks to you.
7. Use one or some of the following affirmations - or create your own. Repeat these over and over to yourself either out loud or in your head. A good idea is to stick them to the bathroom mirror and you’ll remember to do this process when you brush your teeth morning and night.
   • I am a valuable person
   • I feel good about myself
   • I love and approve of myself
   • I am good at the things I do
   • I am a popular member of the team
8. Get help! For some people this process of building your self-esteem seems like such a hard job and a long road, that it’s just too much to begin. Ask yourself if you want to feel better about yourself. If the answer is yes, but it all seems a bit overwhelming, then contact someone who can help you. A life coach for example will help you to break it down into easy steps which don’t seem so daunting. It is also helpful to speak to someone who won’t judge you or say something like, “You should be happier in yourself” or something equally un-helpful. The people around you care about you and just want you to be happy, however their “advice” and comments are not always going to be helpful to your progress.
9. Have a long hard look in the mirror. For many people this is such a hard thing to do and they instantly find that lots of voices appear in their head saying things like, “you’re ugly” or “you’ve got a crooked nose” etc. Force yourself to stand there and understand that these voices are simply your doubts and fears surfacing. Do not allow them to take a hold of you and recognise all the beautiful things about yourself - you are unique (even if you are an identical twin) and you deserve to love yourself no matter what you look like on the outside.
10. Go on a date with yourself. Do something that you love doing - maybe it’s the theatre or the cinema or out for a meal. Yes, it’s a bit odd doing those things by yourself, but the point of this exercise is to enjoy your own company! Alternatively, you could consider going somewhere new - perhaps joining a new club - without taking your partner, family or friends along for support. This is all about you learning to love yourself and think more positively about yourself. It will stretch you out of your comfort zone into your freedom zone (for an explanation follow the link).

Remember that change takes time. You can begin to feel better about yourself immediately, however you’ll need 3-6 weeks to make this new habit stick.

Related posts: 10 Top Tips for Super-Confidence, 10 Top Tips for Assertiveness

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