On our confidence and assertiveness courses we frequently find that one or two people have had an extended period of absence from work, or have been out of work for some time. For these people, they describe themselves as having lost their confidence. Sometimes, they return to work and things are not how they were - sometimes processes have changed, staff have changed, or they feel like an outsider. For those who return to work after unemployment, it can feel like you’re starting right back at the bottom of the pile again. This can be hard and unexpected; especially if you are someone who is normally pretty confident.

It can be really quite difficult to regain your footing and return to work as normal. There are a few ideas below that can help you to make the transition as smooth as possible.

1. Expectations: If you have positive expectations about your return to work, this can really help you to get through the initial few days and actually can serve to settle your nerves and put you in a good frame of mind to plan how you will approach it. If you’ve already started back at work, then you can still make the decision to expect a good experience going forward. In my opinion this step is vital - if you have negative expectations (for example that it is going to be difficult) then you are unlikely to be able to think clearly enough to help yourself plan your return or your re-integration.
2.  Ask for help: The last thing you want to do is try and do everything by yourself. Find someone who you trust - either a mentor, a supportive partner, a colleague at work or even your line manager or boss. A lot of companies these days will have a return to work interview, or if you are new, will have a new starters meeting. If not, then ask for one. Use these sessions to ask for support and voice any concerns you have about your return.
3. Plan: This is something that most people overlook - they simply return to work without a plan of action and find life pretty tough. Think about the things that concern you - if it is going back to work with a team who may have gotten used to life without you, then why not organise a team get together outside work. Maybe to celebrate your return - most people will be really happy to spend some time with you and normally this takes some of the issues you’re facing away. The same can apply to a new team you are entering - why not organise something a day or so into your new role and get to know people away from work. Sometimes there may be issues with other colleagues and to find this out when you return to work can be much more difficult. If you can, organise appointments or meetings with these people and get together to discuss your concerns or your re-integration. Most of the time, people find these appointments very daunting, but their experience when they find the courage to do this, is that the people are really nice and supportive of them.
4. Employ someone to help you: A Life Coach or other therapist or specialist can really help you to put together your plan of action and talk through your fears and concerns. For some people it is an extremely daunting thing to find the confidence to return to work after an absence. Understand that you are not alone in this experience and that there are ways for you to succeed on your own, or with help of a professional.

If you are faced with this situation, then don’t enter into it without some planning up front. Find someone who will help you, either someone from work or employ a professional. Expect good things - there’s no point expecting doom and gloom otherwise that’s all you’ll find.

See also: 10 Top Tips for building Confidence

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Technorati Tags: assertiveness courses, Celebrate, Change, coach, colleague, confidence, experience, fear, frame of mind, good experience, Life, mentor, nerves, organise, Plan, supportive partner, unemployment, work

One of the biggest challenges we face when we undergo a process of change is the effect that this has on our friends, families and work colleagues. There is a status quo that we have established over the years that resists the changes we make and this often means that the change is short-lived. In order to make lasting change, you have to change your thinking. This does not normally happen overnight, although it is possible and the time in between the old thinking and the new thinking can be a rough ride.

Sometimes it can be enough to simply be aware that you are going to meet this resistance so that you can prepare and do everything you can to stay on track. Once the people around you have accepted the change, they will begin to adapt to the new you and you can make the changes permanent.

Other times, especially if the changes you are making are quite different from your normal way of being, you will need a plan to help you stay on track. It can also be useful to have someone to make the journey with, perhaps a partner, friend or life coach. What will the plan be? For most people, setting plans is not second nature, however if you are good at setting goals and plans, then you’ll have your own approach which may work best for you. So let’s look at some elements of a plan of personal change or growth.

The first step is to establish a timescale - think about the size of your task and then put a date on your achieving this new thinking. Next, break down the plan into easy to manage steps. The most effective plans I’ve ever seen are the most simple and they generally have daily elements that the person cannot make any excuse to not do. Run it through with someone who can give you an idea if your timescale and elements seem sound.

One of the most important things that will help you to succeed and get through the period where you will experience resistance is having a way of monitoring your progress. The simplest way of doing this is to keep a diary of your feelings and experiences as you begin and then everyday or every few days as you progress towards your goal. The advantage is that you can read through this whenever you feel like it’s not working out and you’ll easily see how far you have come and be motivated again towards the new thinking and the new you.

Another simple tip is to identify areas and people where there are extreme reactions and deal with them. Have a chat with them face to face and explain your new behaviours and allow them to express how it is making them feel. To ignore this and allow the anger, resentment, sadness, guilt and other negative emotions to exist between you is likely to mean the end of the relationship. Most people will understand your reasons for changing and will find their own way to deal with that, provided they understand what is going on for you.

Making major life changes and undergoing personal development and growth is a process that takes commitment, perseverance and focus. The end result is worth the challenges, the upheavals and the stretch of your relationships - in the end you will be stronger and so will your relationships.

Technorati Tags: Behaviour, Change, coach, Creating, diary, experience, feelings, focus, goal, Goals, growth, journey, partner, Personal Development, Plan, reaction

As a teenager, I can remember a time when I was performing piano at a private function in a local stately home that was used for conferences and weddings. There were five of us, from the same school, all taking it in turns to play. I remember watching a lad who was a couple of years my junior and who didn’t read music, he simply played what he wanted to and he played wonderfully.

I found this quite extraordinary as I had never encountered someone with such an ability before. I simply couldn’t envisage myself doing this, without any music at all. He improvised and played things he’d heard before and to be totally honest I found myself feeling immensely jealous as I sat and listened to him. I asked him questions about how he could do such a thing and generally sat there in total awe.

A little while later it was my turn to play and I had the amazing experience of having the roles reversed. As I played, this young lad sat transfixed and then in between pieces he asked me loads of questions about how I could do such a thing. At this young age, I was unable to register the fact that he was in awe of my ability to read music and I went home feeling all miserable about not being able to play without!

Now, when I have time, I like to sit and play. This evening I was playing one of the pieces that I vividly remember playing, all those years ago and it reminded me of this event in my life. Luckily, I now appreciate the skill that I have been developing for almost 30 years and the jealousy is no more. However, there is a really important point here… the majority of us compare ourselves constantly to other people and, rightly or wrongly, to our perception of other people’s standards.

What if we take this example where two young boys sat in awe of each other, each considering the other’s talent something so far out of their reach, that they felt something missing in themselves. What if… these same two boys had simply celebrated the achievements of the other and their own achievements, without feeling a sense of lack? What if… we do this in our own lives? What if… we set our own standards and measured them solely against our own standards and not someone elses?

Unless your life or livelihood depends on being no.1 against every other human being, why waste the time beating yourself up for being no.2 or no. 200 or even no. 2 billion? Be your own Number 1. Be the Best You.

Technorati Tags: ability, awe, being, experience, jealousy, lack, livelihood, Number 1, perception, read music, school, skill, teenager

I’ve always been surprised about how people’s mood and feelings can be linked to the weather. There is much talk in the media about Seasonal Affected Disorder (SAD) where people have a tendency to be depressed during the winter months when it’s colder and darker.

Today I experienced the opposite. It was very sunny this morning as I drove to a session and I could see the shadows the clouds were making on the fields and the music on the radio was very summery; I found myself feeling genuinely elated.

This got me thinking and wondering how it might be possible to use this wonderful elated state to our advantage and strive to remain in this place as often as possible. My first thought was around the NLP technique of anchoring, where you use some physical device to link your memory, feelings and state to. For example, if you feel wonderful and then pinch the area between your thumb and forefinger, you can then create a link and perform the pinch at any time you wish to feel wonderful again.

But what else? I’m really wondering at the moment if it’s as simple as a choice. The decision to feel happy or elated or wonderful all the time. From my own personal development and self-improvement journey, I certainly feel happy for the vast majority of the time, however this feeling of elation felt much more than simply happy. My thought is that perhaps this is our natural state of joy and it is certainly something that I aspire to feel all the time.

I’m really wondering what kind of world we’d all create if we all simply felt elated and joyful all the time? Imagine a time where we all go to the doctors worrying about whether we feel too happy!

I’m fascinated by this subject and I welcome comments, feedback, suggestions or ideas that you may have about this.

Technorati Tags: Choice, Creating, elation, experience, feelings, happiness, health, joy, positive thinking, sad, seasonal affected disorder, thoughts, weather

I have recently had the privilege to work alongside a colleague in the Coaching profession, who works with a class of students from a college (aged between 18 and 24). We did a couple of exercises with them to help them with their preparations for their careers and it was extremely rewarding to be involved. The general theme of the classes is around them discussing their issues and then proposing together some strategies and ideas to help them all move forward. In this particular industry, this co-creative learning is virtually unheard of and the challenges of competition create more of a dog-eat-dog environment.

My brief observation at the time was that for many of these young men and women, this is likely to be the first time that they have ever had to think for themselves. The general theme of most teaching of children in schools and adults in university is about how things are done and learning to do things the way they’ve always been done. (Clearly there are going to be exceptions to this.) My description at the time was that here is a class where these people can learn to become adults and independent thinkers.

I’ve been pondering on this experience and observation for a few weeks now and I’m really quite excited about the possibilities of this style of learning and how it might effect us all if we were allowed to create our own learning experience from a much younger age. In this time of prescriptive teaching, standardised testing and general pigeon-holing of our children, surely we are simply creating a generation of children who are ill-equipped to think for themselves and will simply watch TV and play on the Wii until they have to get up and go to work in order that they can be told what to do. I talk to many people who bemoan the fact that some young people starting new jobs seem unable to take initiative and get on with their work, expecting instead to be told what to do all the time. Imagine the possibilities for our world if our next generation emerged from school, college or university able to think for themselves, to challenge existing thinking and make positive marks on the world around them…

It’s not surprising that so many people consider home education or alternative schooling such as Steiner or Montessori education for their children. I have a deep respect for people who are out there enabling this kind of co-creative learning for our children and young adults and take my hat off to you for making a difference not only to the lives of the people you touch, but also to the lives of the people they touch.

Technorati Tags: children, Coaching, Creating, empowering, experience, learning, parenting