I’ve just been adding a few appointments to the diary for next week and I was thinking that as it’s Thursday that we’re nearing the end of the week. It was then that I noticed that actually Thursday is the middle of the week (Monday to Sunday) and there is still almost half a week left of this one. It strikes me that perhaps time is the only thing we treat in this way… for example there are not many people who get half way through a drink and think that they are nearing the end of it!

It’s so easy for us to slip into the trap of living from our free time to our next free time (for most, weekend to weekend) that we forget about the moment. Work occupies so much of our lives and for the vast majority of people, there is no excitement or will to be working. I feel privileged to be doing something that I love, to the point that it no longer feels like work. So for most, there are 5 days of 7 spent dealing (and accumulating stress) with something that enables us to have 2 days that we can call our own. To me it seems as though this is a really sorry state of affairs and one that can be really helped by a shift in attitude.

I’m always banging on about how we need dreams and goals in our lives to make sense and meaning out of the work that we do and I guess that’s one way to help us to remain present and focused during the times we spend at work.  If you find yourself in this space of living from precious weekend to precious weekend, with the inconvenience of work in between then the chances are that you do not have personal goals in place to be working towards. It becomes too easy to be tired when you get home and even bring work home to the point where you have neither the time nor energy to do anything in your free time. I suppose this is what is called the daily grind!

In the absence of finding what you love to do for a living, then find what you love to do in your spare time and use your living to fund and facilitate that. I often have clients who tell me that they are in a place that they wouldn’t describe as being depressed, but they are feeling unhappy about their lives. In the vast majority of these cases, simply plugging them back into their personal goals in life, transforms how they are feeling and they are able to move forward in all aspects of their lives.

If you are living your life from weekend to weekend or day-off to day-off, then make sure you have some personal goals in place that will help you to keep upbeat and positive in the stressful times you may be experiencing.

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I work with a great deal of people who are fantastic at setting massive goals and dreams. For some people this is enough and they have a goal which consumes them and they single mindedly work towards it and ultimately achieve it. For others, they generally set off with a great attitude and then slowly as time passes, they lose interest in the journey and the goal.

Don’t forget the small stuff! It can take such a lot of effort and time to reach our big life goals, that most people adapt, shrink or simply quit their dreams. Something I like to do with my clients is to get them into the habit of setting smaller, short and medium term goals too. Things that will keep them interested along the journey and as they progress towards their main goal, they get into the habit of being focused on what they want in life. For some this takes the form of setting small steps towards their bigger goals, for others it involves setting short term goals that are independent of their bigger goals. The majority of people mix the two - myself included.

From observation it appears that men are particularly good at setting medium to long term goals and not so good at setting small, short term goals whereas women are good at the small, short-term goals and less inclined to think long term. Obviously, this is certainly not always the case, it’s simply an observation from my experience.

To me, a healthy balance of short, medium and long term goals is essential as I progress through my life. I love being able to tick off my goals, even the smallest ones are immensely satisfying. If you are not used to setting goals, or are really good at the big ones, but give no thought or attention to the little ones, then set a goal for today. How about setting a goal to make someone smile, or even better to make someone’s day?

Get a dream/goal book and begin to write down everything you want from your life and then spend time with it daily, making additions, notes, sticking in photos or magazine clippings. Really focus your attention on what you want from your life in every day and every moment and you’ll be on the road to a life of your dreams. As a guide, you can use the following categories to prompt you:

Career, Money, Health, Friends, Family, Romance/love, Personal Growth/Spiritual, Fun and Recreation, Physical Environment

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One of the biggest challenges we face when we undergo a process of change is the effect that this has on our friends, families and work colleagues. There is a status quo that we have established over the years that resists the changes we make and this often means that the change is short-lived. In order to make lasting change, you have to change your thinking. This does not normally happen overnight, although it is possible and the time in between the old thinking and the new thinking can be a rough ride.

Sometimes it can be enough to simply be aware that you are going to meet this resistance so that you can prepare and do everything you can to stay on track. Once the people around you have accepted the change, they will begin to adapt to the new you and you can make the changes permanent.

Other times, especially if the changes you are making are quite different from your normal way of being, you will need a plan to help you stay on track. It can also be useful to have someone to make the journey with, perhaps a partner, friend or life coach. What will the plan be? For most people, setting plans is not second nature, however if you are good at setting goals and plans, then you’ll have your own approach which may work best for you. So let’s look at some elements of a plan of personal change or growth.

The first step is to establish a timescale - think about the size of your task and then put a date on your achieving this new thinking. Next, break down the plan into easy to manage steps. The most effective plans I’ve ever seen are the most simple and they generally have daily elements that the person cannot make any excuse to not do. Run it through with someone who can give you an idea if your timescale and elements seem sound.

One of the most important things that will help you to succeed and get through the period where you will experience resistance is having a way of monitoring your progress. The simplest way of doing this is to keep a diary of your feelings and experiences as you begin and then everyday or every few days as you progress towards your goal. The advantage is that you can read through this whenever you feel like it’s not working out and you’ll easily see how far you have come and be motivated again towards the new thinking and the new you.

Another simple tip is to identify areas and people where there are extreme reactions and deal with them. Have a chat with them face to face and explain your new behaviours and allow them to express how it is making them feel. To ignore this and allow the anger, resentment, sadness, guilt and other negative emotions to exist between you is likely to mean the end of the relationship. Most people will understand your reasons for changing and will find their own way to deal with that, provided they understand what is going on for you.

Making major life changes and undergoing personal development and growth is a process that takes commitment, perseverance and focus. The end result is worth the challenges, the upheavals and the stretch of your relationships - in the end you will be stronger and so will your relationships.

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I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like this: you feel unshakable and if things get in the way, you shrug them off or deal with them fast. It’s like being in flow, in the moment or in the zone. In my experience it’s a wonderful place to be and for me it comes about when I am really excited about and totally focused on something.

The real thing here is to establish how you get into that place and then how do you maintain it? To me it boils down to having a purpose or meaning that you are single-mindedly committed to. In that place you are full of confidence (even if a little nervous excitement is present) and great things seem to happen. I think I’ve mentioned before that an old mentor of mine had an expression “Moments of Intensity” and certainly these feel like them.

So how do you find your purpose or meaning? Well, that’s a tough one. I’ve recommended Viktor Frankl’s book, “Man’s Search For Meaning” which will undoubtedly help. I believe that the first place to start is to consider the roles that you have in your life, such as parent, partner, child, sibling, employee, boss, business owner etc and find things in there that you can begin to define your meaning. The bottom line is to find what your life is all about, which is as simple as you stating what that is. As Neale Donald Walsch says in The Secret, there is no blackboard in the sky with your purpose written on it that you have to find. It is your responsibility to define it for yourself and then live your life to the full, expressing yourself through that purpose. There certainly can be more than one, of course one is a good place to start.

Technorati Tags: Beliefs, confidence, focus, how, meaning, neale donald walsch, Plan, purpose, responsibility

One of the exercises in our free eCourse http://www.aquariuscoaching.co.uk/eCourse.html is to take a good hard look in the mirror. It is amazing the power of such a simple thing (you can sign up for details).

Today I’ll be talking about another tip using a mirror. If you are having a conversation with yourself (which is OK by the way!) then conducting the conversation in front of the mirror can really help. It has many benefits:

1. It is much easier to be truthful to yourself when you can see the person in the mirror.
2. You can more easily motivate yourself or give a pep talk.
3. If you have to make a decision, if there is two of you, you feel more supported.
4. Because there are two of you, you will find you have more ideas.
5. It feels like you are connecting with a deeper part of yourself, the part that knows everything and knows no fear, only love.

There is much more, the best way to find out is do it yourself!

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Technorati Tags: empowering, focus, motivation, self-improvement