We live in a world where we expect everything now and while this can be useful, it can seriously get in the way of our growth and personal development. Change is something that takes time… sometimes it’s a life’s work. It can’t be hurried and you can’t make it happen before you are ready for it.

You can go on courses and workshops, read books, listen to audio or watch video and all this will leave you feeling profoundly different. The bottom line is that no one can force you or make you change your life. You have to be willing, be prepared to put in time and effort, and give yourself the time and space to make mistakes. Otherwise all the learning, courses, books and audio/video are a waste.

I learned several years ago that in order to successfully help people turn their lives around and achieve their goals, there has to be a strong desire and commitment to the process of change. Sometimes it can be a rough ride… stamina is a useful thing to have.

I’ve yet to meet anyone who hasn’t felt that the journey has been worth the time and effort. Even when the destination isn’t quite ideal, you learn so much along the way that it’s always worth it.

It strikes me that the main regrets people have are about opportunities they didn’t take and changes they didn’t make. Of course we make poor decisions from time to time, but there is always some good learning to take away from it. Allow this to happen without beating yourself up and you’ll soon be on the right road.

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One of the biggest challenges we face when we undergo a process of change is the effect that this has on our friends, families and work colleagues. There is a status quo that we have established over the years that resists the changes we make and this often means that the change is short-lived. In order to make lasting change, you have to change your thinking. This does not normally happen overnight, although it is possible and the time in between the old thinking and the new thinking can be a rough ride.

Sometimes it can be enough to simply be aware that you are going to meet this resistance so that you can prepare and do everything you can to stay on track. Once the people around you have accepted the change, they will begin to adapt to the new you and you can make the changes permanent.

Other times, especially if the changes you are making are quite different from your normal way of being, you will need a plan to help you stay on track. It can also be useful to have someone to make the journey with, perhaps a partner, friend or life coach. What will the plan be? For most people, setting plans is not second nature, however if you are good at setting goals and plans, then you’ll have your own approach which may work best for you. So let’s look at some elements of a plan of personal change or growth.

The first step is to establish a timescale - think about the size of your task and then put a date on your achieving this new thinking. Next, break down the plan into easy to manage steps. The most effective plans I’ve ever seen are the most simple and they generally have daily elements that the person cannot make any excuse to not do. Run it through with someone who can give you an idea if your timescale and elements seem sound.

One of the most important things that will help you to succeed and get through the period where you will experience resistance is having a way of monitoring your progress. The simplest way of doing this is to keep a diary of your feelings and experiences as you begin and then everyday or every few days as you progress towards your goal. The advantage is that you can read through this whenever you feel like it’s not working out and you’ll easily see how far you have come and be motivated again towards the new thinking and the new you.

Another simple tip is to identify areas and people where there are extreme reactions and deal with them. Have a chat with them face to face and explain your new behaviours and allow them to express how it is making them feel. To ignore this and allow the anger, resentment, sadness, guilt and other negative emotions to exist between you is likely to mean the end of the relationship. Most people will understand your reasons for changing and will find their own way to deal with that, provided they understand what is going on for you.

Making major life changes and undergoing personal development and growth is a process that takes commitment, perseverance and focus. The end result is worth the challenges, the upheavals and the stretch of your relationships - in the end you will be stronger and so will your relationships.

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To me, one of the keys to a wonderful life is developing yourself. It’s a constant theme in my life and a lifelong journey. Most of the clients I coach have some idea about developing themselves - for most people it is thrust upon them at work. I remember with fondness some of the team building development courses that I attended when I was employed by HSBC and in particular the lack of attention and willingness to participate that the majority of my fellow colleagues had at the time.

So it’s interesting me to consider why some of my clients are really good at this “developing yourself” stuff and others know that it’s important but don’t make time to learn and grow. To me, it seems possible that the majority of this boils down to the fact that there is often little or even no reason to develop yourself. The majority of us don’t set goals, or don’t believe that we can achieve them. We often don’t stretch ourselves as we have a wonderful thing called a comfort zone that feels ok. So is it really any surprise that the majority of people don’t invest much time or attention to their development?

A really useful question if you are considering developing yourself is “why?” Why do you want to become more than you are? If there is no real clear answer to this, then it’s not likely that the development we do is going to achieve anything. Define your purpose: What is the real reason that you need to stretch and grow? What will you do as the new you that is different to today? Is that important enough for you to go through the growth now?

If the answer is no, it’s not important enough, or if you find that your motivation towards your development is not there, then getting back to basics of looking at your life purpose and your goals is the most important step to take. Without that destination and the desire and hunger to get to the destination, it is likely that the development will never take place. I believe that everyone has everything they need within them already to make wonderful journeys and grow and develop into their most incredible visions of themselves, if they are clear on their reasons for taking the journey.

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I remember being a young child and wondering what it would be like to be this thing called a “Grown Up”. It all seemed so far away back then. Over time, I began to actually desire to be a Grown Up, spending much time acting as old and adult as I could, even though I was a teenager. The feelings of being a Grown Up seem to develop over time, yet the actual state of being Grown Up still seems so far away.

A major time in my life was the birth of my daughter. I imagine it’s a similar thing for most first time parents when they suddenly realise they have this new extension of themselves and their family. Something small and wonderful to be responsible for! Perhaps we consider the fact that we may have never really taken full responsibility for ourselves, how on earth do we take full responsibility for someone else? It’s really a time to Grow Up fast.

But then a little time passes and we begin to foster independence in our child and it’s time to Grow Up again. As the child themselves Grow Up, we seek to teach them their own self-responsibility and at some point in their future, they may even have their own bundle of joy. Time once more to Grow Up. Until what? We become this thing we call a Grown Up? Well, maybe.

What if we never become a Grown Up? Is it possible that this thing we call a Grown Up doesn’t actually exist? Indeed, if it were possible to become Grown Up, we would surely have no need of Growing. It is possible that there are many Grown Ups in the world, however these people are just people who have stopped Growing. They’ve arrived at their destination and are just kicking a ball about waiting for something else to happen.

Perhaps our goal should not be to become a Grown Up, perhaps our goal should be to Grow.

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Technorati Tags: growth, making a difference, parenting, responsibility

In a recording by Esther and Jerry Hicks (authors of The Law of Attraction) and also in the film The Secret, Esther says that if today was your first day on the planet we would say to you, “Welcome to Planet Earth”. The vast majority of people who embark upon a journey of self-development and change, wonder what they would have done if they’d only found that book or heard those words 5, 10 or 20 years ago (or more). It matters not when you make the decision to change, only that you make it.

Life is about becoming more than you are today - all that you are today is the result of all that you have been being, thinking and doing. To have more than you have today, you must be and do more than you have been being and doing! So it’s as simple as that??!! Well… erm… Yes! Kind of!

My experience and training in Coaching has also highlighted that although the above is true, there are many factors that influence the outcome or the having bit! Some of you may already know (certainly the vast majority of my clients reading this will) that we all have “Limiting Beliefs” - these are beliefs that you form in your childhood that work against you in your thinking. It’s not all “bad”! Indeed, you probably welcome the limiting belief that prevents you from running out into the road to retrieve a ball you want to get. However the vast majority of our limiting beliefs do not serve us well.

The “good news” is that you can easily spot them in other people, the person who constantly puts themselves down, the person who lacks confidence and shrivels up when anyone talks to them. The “bad news”? It’s pretty hard to spot if they’re yours! They can affect money, confidence, family, relationships, work, business, motivation, health and many other areas of life.

Obviously a Coach or Psychotherapist can help with these challenges and there are also courses of self-development that will tackle these issues. If you find that you are pretty good at setting goals, but things don’t quite work out right, the chances are you’ll have a few of these “Limiting Beliefs” interfering with your goals.

So, off to Google to search for solutions to your limiting beliefs? There are many out there and my advice is to find something that works for you.

In the meantime:

• be aware of the possibility that you may have limiting beliefs
• try and notice yourself when you behave or react in a way that is not normal for you

In that moment or soon afterwards, ask yourself the questions:

• Why did I react like that?
• How can I change that behaviour or reaction another time?

Be More,

Dan

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Technorati Tags: Attraction, Beliefs, Coaching, growth, learning