To me the secret to living a wonderful life, filled with joyous experience and happiness, lies in knowing what you want. For some people this is extremely challenging and just to contemplate it causes them a headache. I’m pretty sure that this is normal.

The easiest way to tackle this is to begin to practice. Start simple with a small scrap of paper with 3 or 4 things on it that you want. It doesn’t have to be major things, anything will do. The most important thing is to have a list! Now the first thing that can happen here is that as you sit down to write your list your mind delivers a stream of useless advice - such as, “You don’t really want that”, “What do you want that for?” or “Don’t be stupid!” Most people crumple under the pressure and don’t bother. Here’s that old saying - “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

So, make a decision that inspite of the negative doubts and self-critical thoughts, you are going to compile this list; even if they do seem silly or you feel stupid doing it.

Done that? Really? Do it now.

Ok, so now you have your list of things - we’re going to call this Life’s Shopping List. First things first, these are going to be things that you want and most of the time (but not always) they involve some kind of financial commitment. Make a promise to yourself that you are going to use money you have earned and not money you have borrowed from a bank, credit card or from money you would use to pay your bills. If this is not possible for you then get some financial help and sort out your money first.

Now, select one of these things as a goal - it’s best if it’s likely to take you about 2 or 3 months to complete or save for. Next - set a plan. Are there things you need to do in order to make it happen? List them down. How much money do you have to put aside in order to make it happen? Where are you going to save the money?

Lastly - the fun part! Working towards your goal and then the celebration. Find someone to be accountable to, if it helps you. Your family or friends are usually the best people to start with; or of course you can hire a Life Coach. You can do simple things like stick a photo of your goal on the fridge to keep you motivated towards it.

If you need to, you can review the goal as you are working towards it and if necessary adjust the timings accordingly. If you’ve selected something simple as your first goal, then hopefully this will not be necessary and you’ll soon be celebrating your achievement.

Once you’ve done it once, it’s a simple matter of rinse and repeat. You certainly don’t have to restrict yourself to one goal at a time - it’s likely that you’ll have many on the go at once, some short-term, some longer-term plans. A great idea is to get yourself a dream book and begin to fill it with things that you’d like to be, do or have. Some categories to help you think: Home, Physical, Service, Family, Spiritual, Relationships, Work, Money, Personal.

I like to have one goal per page of my book and then I can make notes and stick in photos and other things as I’m moving towards them. It’s wonderful to sit every day for a few minutes and review your achievements and progress and maybe add a few more things that you’d like.

For those of you for whom thinking of things that you want is difficult, as you practice you’ll find it gets easier as you start to achieve little things.

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Technorati Tags: accountable, achievement, Action Plan, celebration, dreams, goal, Goals, happiness, Life Coaching, money, wonderful life

I find the phrase Comfort Zone to be quite a paradox. I’m yet to meet someone who is in their comfort zone who truly feels comfortable there. I’ll admit that there have been times when I’ve chosen to remain in my comfort zone, however that place to me is full of fear and uncertainty - not quite what I expect Comfort to be.

Answer me this question, “If the vast majority of people live and operate in their Comfort Zones, how come the vast majority of people are so negative and miserable?”

So why exactly is it called the Comfort Zone? Well my theory (conspiracy theorists will love this) is that it’s become known as the Comfort Zone to attract the general population to remain in that place and not rise up and reach their full potential. It certainly does the trick and we do little to dissuade people that there is more comfort, happiness and love to be found outside the comfort zone. In fact we create fear when we ask them to leave the comfort zone - they believe that they are going to be uncomfortable outside of it.

This is perhaps a time to consider changing our terminology; why not call the comfort zone the “discomfort zone” and call the outside place the “freedom zone”? We can now invite people to step into the freedom zone, the place where change is possible and our fears are overcome and diminished, and away from the discomfort zone.

To me the bottom line is that being in the comfort zone means we live in fear of not being comfortable and this paralyses people into staying put. Changing the way we describe these zones will create a new sense of identity with them for most people. I’d be willing to bet that most people would prefer to be in a freedom zone than a discomfort zone.

So, if you wish, I’d encourage you to step into your Freedom Zone and leave behind your discomfort zone.

Technorati Tags: being, Change, comfort zone, conspiracy theorists, discomfort, fear, freedom zone, happiness, love, population

I’ve always been surprised about how people’s mood and feelings can be linked to the weather. There is much talk in the media about Seasonal Affected Disorder (SAD) where people have a tendency to be depressed during the winter months when it’s colder and darker.

Today I experienced the opposite. It was very sunny this morning as I drove to a session and I could see the shadows the clouds were making on the fields and the music on the radio was very summery; I found myself feeling genuinely elated.

This got me thinking and wondering how it might be possible to use this wonderful elated state to our advantage and strive to remain in this place as often as possible. My first thought was around the NLP technique of anchoring, where you use some physical device to link your memory, feelings and state to. For example, if you feel wonderful and then pinch the area between your thumb and forefinger, you can then create a link and perform the pinch at any time you wish to feel wonderful again.

But what else? I’m really wondering at the moment if it’s as simple as a choice. The decision to feel happy or elated or wonderful all the time. From my own personal development and self-improvement journey, I certainly feel happy for the vast majority of the time, however this feeling of elation felt much more than simply happy. My thought is that perhaps this is our natural state of joy and it is certainly something that I aspire to feel all the time.

I’m really wondering what kind of world we’d all create if we all simply felt elated and joyful all the time? Imagine a time where we all go to the doctors worrying about whether we feel too happy!

I’m fascinated by this subject and I welcome comments, feedback, suggestions or ideas that you may have about this.

Technorati Tags: Choice, Creating, elation, experience, feelings, happiness, health, joy, positive thinking, sad, seasonal affected disorder, thoughts, weather

I am frequently asked what happens in a Life Coaching Session, especially on a social level where people are interested in what it is you do. The most common misconception I find is that people think that they are going to be told what to do to improve their lives. To me, you can get that from friends, family, colleagues, bosses etc. who all have ideas and opinions about how you should best live your life! The coaches who work with me as their client, would not have my business if they had a whole load of answers to give me! You spend much of your life surrounded by people telling you what to do - and if you’re not happy from all their input and training, then surely try a different approach!

In my life coaching sessions, and indeed also my executive coaching sessions,  the majority of the actual work is done by the client. They are, after all, the person with all the questions and often the vast majority of the answers. From my own experience, working with good coaches, it feels to me like you are sitting there having a conversation with another version of yourself. The coach asks questions that prompt you to think about your topic in a different way, or helps you consider options and outcomes for the situation. Frequently, the coach asks questions that you feel painful or you perhaps do not want to face up to, but my experience of being on the receiving end of those questions is that you have the most to gain from answering them.

During a life coaching session, the coach will frequently not speak and allow silence to flourish. My experience of these moments as a client, are wonderful - when faced with nothing else to think about than what is on your mind, the thoughts, ideas and answers that flow from you are incredible. The challenge we have in our lives is that we do not normally make time or space for this silence in which we can allow these thoughts, ideas and answers to emerge. As well, we do not generally have someone with us to keep us on track when our mind inevitably wanders.

One of the greatest gifts a coach can offer, besides helping to make change and happiness in your life, is the opportunity to be truly heard and understood. There are so few people in our lives who really “get” us or who have the time to do so and I find that many people who I coach, have not previously had the opportunity at all. Sometimes in my life coaching sessions, just a half-hour or hour of being understood can generate incredible changes in mood, emotion, thoughts, feelings and enable people to feel happy.

I believe there is a magic in coaching that is very difficult to describe, however the great thing is that it’s easy to enjoy the benefits, even if you can’t describe the magic.

Technorati Tags: benefits, Change, Coaching, happiness, life coaching sessions, magic, understood

Something I hear a lot in coaching circles is this idea of being “happy in the not-knowing”. To me it’s like having no expectation or opinion about something you really have no idea about. Examples of this situation include going on a date, a business or sales meeting, a reunion etc. Simply situations where an outcome is not certain, although one or several may be desired.

If you enter into these situations happy in the not-knowing of an outcome, you are able to detach yourself from the outcome and really be yourself. There is a great power in this place - not power in the sense of power over someone or something, but power over yourself. It really is a wonderful place to be - to be truly you is to experience yourself as you really are in that moment.

It’s not an easy thing to do, we have a bunch of limiting beliefs, past experiences, dreams, hormones, desires and other thoughts and things that get in the way. It takes discipline and practice and I’m not suggesting for a second that I’m an expert - it’s just as tough for me!

I encourage my coachees to have this attitude and it seems to me that those who can be happy in the not-knowing have more successful experiences in their sessions. (Although of course success is subjective and I understand it is only my opinion here.)

Try it - if it works for you, practice and enjoy it! If not, then that’s great too.

As always I love to read your comments and feedback - click the comments link below to leave your comments.

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Technorati Tags: Beliefs, Coaching, empowering, happiness, outcome