On our confidence and assertiveness courses we frequently find that one or two people have had an extended period of absence from work, or have been out of work for some time. For these people, they describe themselves as having lost their confidence. Sometimes, they return to work and things are not how they were - sometimes processes have changed, staff have changed, or they feel like an outsider. For those who return to work after unemployment, it can feel like you’re starting right back at the bottom of the pile again. This can be hard and unexpected; especially if you are someone who is normally pretty confident.

It can be really quite difficult to regain your footing and return to work as normal. There are a few ideas below that can help you to make the transition as smooth as possible.

1. Expectations: If you have positive expectations about your return to work, this can really help you to get through the initial few days and actually can serve to settle your nerves and put you in a good frame of mind to plan how you will approach it. If you’ve already started back at work, then you can still make the decision to expect a good experience going forward. In my opinion this step is vital - if you have negative expectations (for example that it is going to be difficult) then you are unlikely to be able to think clearly enough to help yourself plan your return or your re-integration.
2.  Ask for help: The last thing you want to do is try and do everything by yourself. Find someone who you trust - either a mentor, a supportive partner, a colleague at work or even your line manager or boss. A lot of companies these days will have a return to work interview, or if you are new, will have a new starters meeting. If not, then ask for one. Use these sessions to ask for support and voice any concerns you have about your return.
3. Plan: This is something that most people overlook - they simply return to work without a plan of action and find life pretty tough. Think about the things that concern you - if it is going back to work with a team who may have gotten used to life without you, then why not organise a team get together outside work. Maybe to celebrate your return - most people will be really happy to spend some time with you and normally this takes some of the issues you’re facing away. The same can apply to a new team you are entering - why not organise something a day or so into your new role and get to know people away from work. Sometimes there may be issues with other colleagues and to find this out when you return to work can be much more difficult. If you can, organise appointments or meetings with these people and get together to discuss your concerns or your re-integration. Most of the time, people find these appointments very daunting, but their experience when they find the courage to do this, is that the people are really nice and supportive of them.
4. Employ someone to help you: A Life Coach or other therapist or specialist can really help you to put together your plan of action and talk through your fears and concerns. For some people it is an extremely daunting thing to find the confidence to return to work after an absence. Understand that you are not alone in this experience and that there are ways for you to succeed on your own, or with help of a professional.

If you are faced with this situation, then don’t enter into it without some planning up front. Find someone who will help you, either someone from work or employ a professional. Expect good things - there’s no point expecting doom and gloom otherwise that’s all you’ll find.

See also: 10 Top Tips for building Confidence

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Lately I’ve had a lot on my mind and it’s amazing how this can seem to get in your way. Luckily for me I know how I can deal with the thoughts and feelings and if I begin to feel overwhelmed, I can relax and switch off. For me this usually lends a new perspective and I’m then eager to get back on with things.

For me, it is often the apparent sheer volume of items on my to-do list coupled with some imminent deadlines that triggers this kind of situation. I know the consequences of ploughing on and not taking a step back and I know the benefits of doing so.

Most often, a quick 10 minutes of re-evaluating and prioritising does the trick and is well worth the time spent. The other times, usually I find it best to be honest with myself and deal with the possible issues before they arrive - e.g. Letting any affected parties know that I will not be finished on time.

Of course in an ideal world, our lists of tasks are completed on time and we do not become overwhelmed… However in the real world, to me the best course of action is to deal with the challenges as they become apparent. Most often they can be overcome and deadlines can be shifted before they are missed. This is self-responsibility.

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One of the roles of a coach is in being a sounding board during brainstorming, where a client considers all the options available to them and begins to formulate an action plan. During a coaching session, the client often discovers incredible ideas, thoughts and possibilities that they hadn’t considered before.

It is important to state that the role of the coach in this environment is simply to listen, make notes if required and ask an occasional question that may help the process move forward. The difference between this and an environment such as at work, is that there is only one opinion in the equation and the client can freely explore the limits of their thoughts and imagination without interference.

Once the brainstorming process is completed, the next stage is to prioritise and select things to work on. The final stage for this post, is called chunking. This is simply breaking everything down into chunks or elements that can be put into an order to form an action plan.

For some people this is commonplace in their work, but most have never considered the value this can have in other areas of their lives. I’m always struck by the variety of styles that people will adopt in this process: Some are meticulous in their detail, some draw elaborate diagrams or mind-maps, while others are content to have 5 or 6 bits of paper with some words written on them. What I’ve come to realise is that each of us has the idea that ours is the best way… In fact we are all right.

The best way for us is the way that we say it is - something worth remembering the next time you feel inclined to offer advice.

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One of the common issues people look at in coaching is time management. We all lead busy lives and in order to get more done in the same time, it is necessary to examine how we spend our time.

It’s not simply how we manage our time that is the challenge, though this certainly has a bearing on it. It is also important to consider what we are doing with our time. The Aquarius Coaching website has a tips page in the resources - http://www.aquariuscoaching.co.uk/resources.html - one of which is the CT/HT lists and will help here.

Additionally, there is another trick I learned many years ago now… If you are asked if you would like to do something in the future, stop and consider what your answer would be if the event were just about to happen. If you want to go and do it now, then the chances are you will want to in the future. However if your answer is no, maybe you are too busy, or don’t fancy it today, how likely are you to change your mind in the future?

Interestingly, my own time management improved immensely during my own experience of being coached. Because my thoughts are de-cluttered, the management of my time is much easier. If time management is a challenge for you, then coaching will really help improve that.

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Taking some time for yourself is one of the most important things in this busy world that we live in. There always seems to be something to do and to just switch off creates major challenges for so many of us. Most people are aware of the consequences of not taking time out and yet so few people do so with any regularity.

Better than simply taking time out is taking time out with no distraction or other tasks to do. In fact, making the time out the task is many people’s solution. If the only important thing you have to do is to spend time on your own doing your own choice of thing, then the quality and effectiveness of the time out is hugely increased.

Really it is impossible to take time out when you are thinking about things that you have to do, or places you have to be, or worrying about aspects of your life. In fact that kind of time out is likely to create more stress and worry that you are not doing all those other things.

Time out is a discipline - just like time management (which of course enables time out to be included in our schedule) or organisation skills. It takes hard work and commitment, but the benefits are extremely powerful and enhance our ability to focus and be effective in our work, our relationships, our hobbies and all other aspects of our lives.

So, think of the things you would do if you had no tasks left to do and no other commitments for your time. Then schedule these things into your schedule on a regular basis and go and do them.

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