On our confidence and assertiveness courses we frequently find that one or two people have had an extended period of absence from work, or have been out of work for some time. For these people, they describe themselves as having lost their confidence. Sometimes, they return to work and things are not how they were - sometimes processes have changed, staff have changed, or they feel like an outsider. For those who return to work after unemployment, it can feel like you’re starting right back at the bottom of the pile again. This can be hard and unexpected; especially if you are someone who is normally pretty confident.

It can be really quite difficult to regain your footing and return to work as normal. There are a few ideas below that can help you to make the transition as smooth as possible.

1. Expectations: If you have positive expectations about your return to work, this can really help you to get through the initial few days and actually can serve to settle your nerves and put you in a good frame of mind to plan how you will approach it. If you’ve already started back at work, then you can still make the decision to expect a good experience going forward. In my opinion this step is vital - if you have negative expectations (for example that it is going to be difficult) then you are unlikely to be able to think clearly enough to help yourself plan your return or your re-integration.
2.  Ask for help: The last thing you want to do is try and do everything by yourself. Find someone who you trust - either a mentor, a supportive partner, a colleague at work or even your line manager or boss. A lot of companies these days will have a return to work interview, or if you are new, will have a new starters meeting. If not, then ask for one. Use these sessions to ask for support and voice any concerns you have about your return.
3. Plan: This is something that most people overlook - they simply return to work without a plan of action and find life pretty tough. Think about the things that concern you - if it is going back to work with a team who may have gotten used to life without you, then why not organise a team get together outside work. Maybe to celebrate your return - most people will be really happy to spend some time with you and normally this takes some of the issues you’re facing away. The same can apply to a new team you are entering - why not organise something a day or so into your new role and get to know people away from work. Sometimes there may be issues with other colleagues and to find this out when you return to work can be much more difficult. If you can, organise appointments or meetings with these people and get together to discuss your concerns or your re-integration. Most of the time, people find these appointments very daunting, but their experience when they find the courage to do this, is that the people are really nice and supportive of them.
4. Employ someone to help you: A Life Coach or other therapist or specialist can really help you to put together your plan of action and talk through your fears and concerns. For some people it is an extremely daunting thing to find the confidence to return to work after an absence. Understand that you are not alone in this experience and that there are ways for you to succeed on your own, or with help of a professional.

If you are faced with this situation, then don’t enter into it without some planning up front. Find someone who will help you, either someone from work or employ a professional. Expect good things - there’s no point expecting doom and gloom otherwise that’s all you’ll find.

See also: 10 Top Tips for building Confidence

Subscribe by feedburner email.

Technorati Tags: assertiveness courses, Celebrate, Change, coach, colleague, confidence, experience, fear, frame of mind, good experience, Life, mentor, nerves, organise, Plan, supportive partner, unemployment, work

One of the biggest challenges we face when we undergo a process of change is the effect that this has on our friends, families and work colleagues. There is a status quo that we have established over the years that resists the changes we make and this often means that the change is short-lived. In order to make lasting change, you have to change your thinking. This does not normally happen overnight, although it is possible and the time in between the old thinking and the new thinking can be a rough ride.

Sometimes it can be enough to simply be aware that you are going to meet this resistance so that you can prepare and do everything you can to stay on track. Once the people around you have accepted the change, they will begin to adapt to the new you and you can make the changes permanent.

Other times, especially if the changes you are making are quite different from your normal way of being, you will need a plan to help you stay on track. It can also be useful to have someone to make the journey with, perhaps a partner, friend or life coach. What will the plan be? For most people, setting plans is not second nature, however if you are good at setting goals and plans, then you’ll have your own approach which may work best for you. So let’s look at some elements of a plan of personal change or growth.

The first step is to establish a timescale - think about the size of your task and then put a date on your achieving this new thinking. Next, break down the plan into easy to manage steps. The most effective plans I’ve ever seen are the most simple and they generally have daily elements that the person cannot make any excuse to not do. Run it through with someone who can give you an idea if your timescale and elements seem sound.

One of the most important things that will help you to succeed and get through the period where you will experience resistance is having a way of monitoring your progress. The simplest way of doing this is to keep a diary of your feelings and experiences as you begin and then everyday or every few days as you progress towards your goal. The advantage is that you can read through this whenever you feel like it’s not working out and you’ll easily see how far you have come and be motivated again towards the new thinking and the new you.

Another simple tip is to identify areas and people where there are extreme reactions and deal with them. Have a chat with them face to face and explain your new behaviours and allow them to express how it is making them feel. To ignore this and allow the anger, resentment, sadness, guilt and other negative emotions to exist between you is likely to mean the end of the relationship. Most people will understand your reasons for changing and will find their own way to deal with that, provided they understand what is going on for you.

Making major life changes and undergoing personal development and growth is a process that takes commitment, perseverance and focus. The end result is worth the challenges, the upheavals and the stretch of your relationships - in the end you will be stronger and so will your relationships.

Technorati Tags: Behaviour, Change, coach, Creating, diary, experience, feelings, focus, goal, Goals, growth, journey, partner, Personal Development, Plan, reaction

For most of my life I have tried to do less and achieve more. For the most part this has been in vain! However it has always been in my mind that the belief, “you have to work hard to get anywhere in life”, really doesn’t fit for me. I appreciate that the people who might be considered successful actually seem to work hard, however there is much more to the story than simply putting in the hours and watching the success and money roll in.

You have to do something that you love. Something that you love to do is never a chore; it never seems like hard work and it always leaves you feeling energised. The belief that you have to work hard to get anywhere in life, on the surface seems true. All the evidence of successful people points to working hard, for long hours and normally struggling to make ends meet in the beginning.

However, if it is something you love to do, it will never feel like hard work, the hours will never seem long and the struggle is all part of the fun of the journey. So many people have said that the joy is in the journey, not the destination. Of course, without a destination there can be no journey.

The bottom line is that you are the one who says what is hard work for you. If you feel as though you are working hard and struggling all the time with it, the chances are that you do not love what you do and there may be a better choice for you. Now before you go and quit your job and live out your lifelong dream… get some help and support - friends, family, maybe even a coach (of course I’d love to help you!) and make sensible plans to create the changes you wish to see.

If you already do what you love to do, then I expect you feel the way that I do, that work doesn’t feel like work! If not, find what you love to do and join the rising number of people who are creating their life purpose on their own terms.

Technorati Tags: Change, Choice, coach, Creating, family, friends family, how, journey, joy, Life Purpose, lifelong dream, money, Plan, purpose, success, support friends, work

I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like this: you feel unshakable and if things get in the way, you shrug them off or deal with them fast. It’s like being in flow, in the moment or in the zone. In my experience it’s a wonderful place to be and for me it comes about when I am really excited about and totally focused on something.

The real thing here is to establish how you get into that place and then how do you maintain it? To me it boils down to having a purpose or meaning that you are single-mindedly committed to. In that place you are full of confidence (even if a little nervous excitement is present) and great things seem to happen. I think I’ve mentioned before that an old mentor of mine had an expression “Moments of Intensity” and certainly these feel like them.

So how do you find your purpose or meaning? Well, that’s a tough one. I’ve recommended Viktor Frankl’s book, “Man’s Search For Meaning” which will undoubtedly help. I believe that the first place to start is to consider the roles that you have in your life, such as parent, partner, child, sibling, employee, boss, business owner etc and find things in there that you can begin to define your meaning. The bottom line is to find what your life is all about, which is as simple as you stating what that is. As Neale Donald Walsch says in The Secret, there is no blackboard in the sky with your purpose written on it that you have to find. It is your responsibility to define it for yourself and then live your life to the full, expressing yourself through that purpose. There certainly can be more than one, of course one is a good place to start.

Technorati Tags: Beliefs, confidence, focus, how, meaning, neale donald walsch, Plan, purpose, responsibility

This time of year is perfect for considering what our plans for next year might be. The first thing I like to do is have a review, or “Celebrate and Fix” for the current year. This involves celebrating and recognising yourself for all your achievements this year. It can be very useful to check against your year plan if you have one.

The fix part of this is not designed to be a negative look at your year, for me there is no value in this. Fix is to do with anything that you have achieved or things you have done which you can improve on for the future. This can be a very valuable session to have in Coaching as it can really help clear the way for focus on the coming year and your goals and desires.

How to deal with the items on your list that haven’t been done? Well, start by considering if they are still things you wish to achieve and are still excited about. Then if you are, they can go on next year’s plan if appropriate. If there are things on there you feel you should have done, then make a new commitment to yourself to get them done. To spend time concentrating on why you haven’t done it is not usually productive and ends up in self-criticism and lower self-esteem and confidence.

Subscribe to Create the Life You Want by Email

Technorati Tags: Celebrate, Coaching, Fix, Goals, Plan, Review