I read a lovely blog post the other day that can be found here and asked the author a question about what age we can be considered responsible for our own thinking and actions. I received a great and comprehensive reply which you can read in the post comments, but I really wanted to share a few thoughts now about this idea of being responsible.

As we grow from being small children, we receive gifts of wisdom, knowledge, beliefs and much more from our parents and carers. As we evolve into adults, we carry on our beliefs (and a few that we’ve made ourselves in response to our experiences and situations) and some of these do not serve us very well. At some point, hopefully, we become conscious of these beliefs (or limiting beliefs) and we are able to make changes to change these into positive beliefs that can help us.

However, what if we don’t become conscious of these beliefs, can we be held responsible or accountable for something that we created as children when we are unable to do anything about it? In America, there was a case where a man got his prison sentence changed from murder to manslaughter because his lawyers claimed that he had been eating Twinkies (a high-sugar food) and therefore couldn’t be held responsible for his actions. This became known as the Twinkie Defence (the loophole was quickly closed in US Law) - you can read about that here. Obviously I’m not talking about Murder here - but for everyday stuff, are we responsible for things that we are doing unconsciously?

Maybe our responsibility is in educating others that such a thing may be happening to them unconsciously and to be vigilant to our own actions . If they appear to be out of line with who we are, such as being angry for no apparent reason, then it’s possible that we’ve reacted unconsciously and there is an opportunity to become conscious and act differently another time.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this - it’s one that I’ve pondered over for a long time now!

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Technorati Tags: accountability, accountable, conscious, Defence, knowledge, Law, reaction, responsibility, responsible, Twinkies, unconscious, wisdom

One of the biggest challenges we face when we undergo a process of change is the effect that this has on our friends, families and work colleagues. There is a status quo that we have established over the years that resists the changes we make and this often means that the change is short-lived. In order to make lasting change, you have to change your thinking. This does not normally happen overnight, although it is possible and the time in between the old thinking and the new thinking can be a rough ride.

Sometimes it can be enough to simply be aware that you are going to meet this resistance so that you can prepare and do everything you can to stay on track. Once the people around you have accepted the change, they will begin to adapt to the new you and you can make the changes permanent.

Other times, especially if the changes you are making are quite different from your normal way of being, you will need a plan to help you stay on track. It can also be useful to have someone to make the journey with, perhaps a partner, friend or life coach. What will the plan be? For most people, setting plans is not second nature, however if you are good at setting goals and plans, then you’ll have your own approach which may work best for you. So let’s look at some elements of a plan of personal change or growth.

The first step is to establish a timescale - think about the size of your task and then put a date on your achieving this new thinking. Next, break down the plan into easy to manage steps. The most effective plans I’ve ever seen are the most simple and they generally have daily elements that the person cannot make any excuse to not do. Run it through with someone who can give you an idea if your timescale and elements seem sound.

One of the most important things that will help you to succeed and get through the period where you will experience resistance is having a way of monitoring your progress. The simplest way of doing this is to keep a diary of your feelings and experiences as you begin and then everyday or every few days as you progress towards your goal. The advantage is that you can read through this whenever you feel like it’s not working out and you’ll easily see how far you have come and be motivated again towards the new thinking and the new you.

Another simple tip is to identify areas and people where there are extreme reactions and deal with them. Have a chat with them face to face and explain your new behaviours and allow them to express how it is making them feel. To ignore this and allow the anger, resentment, sadness, guilt and other negative emotions to exist between you is likely to mean the end of the relationship. Most people will understand your reasons for changing and will find their own way to deal with that, provided they understand what is going on for you.

Making major life changes and undergoing personal development and growth is a process that takes commitment, perseverance and focus. The end result is worth the challenges, the upheavals and the stretch of your relationships - in the end you will be stronger and so will your relationships.

Technorati Tags: Behaviour, Change, coach, Creating, diary, experience, feelings, focus, goal, Goals, growth, journey, partner, Personal Development, Plan, reaction

It’s normally around now that most people realise that we’re a good way into the year and they’ve not done too well on their promises to themselves. If you are in this boat, then the first thing you’ll do, of course, is to berate yourself about it. Obviously this makes you feel wonderful and all the more motivated to get into action! No?

So, clearly this method of motivation is largely unsuccessful, rather like a parent in a sports game who tells their child exactly what they are doing wrong and then expects them to perform to the most incredible standard, which of course would not be good enough. If you hadn’t already realised, we all have this parent that dwells inside us, ready to pounce on any slight deviation from perfection. This “Critical Parent” (or Controlling Parent - from the Transactional Analysis model) seeks to keep us on the straight and narrow, performing to the best of our ability. Even without too much psycho-babble and explanation, it is clearly not a fast route to success or motivation.

The most wonderful thing about any type of situation where we want to make change is that the key to it is awareness. So the first step is simply to be vigilant and be aware when such situations like this occur. When you notice the voice in your head being critical and saying that you need to get on with it, or do things differently, because you are aware of it, you have the power to react in any way you choose. For me, I find that a big smile back at the voice completely disarms it and enables me to become motivated rather than it disabling me. The beauty in this is that you can find your own way of reacting that will help you to keep or become more motivated to make the changes you desire.

It takes time, the first thing that usually happens is that you notice later and then you criticise yourself for not noticing at the time, which you may or may not notice as you do this! With practice, patience and a reminder that you are still learning and actually spotting it late is better than you’ve ever done before, this way of dealing with your inner critic will help you live a more motivated life.

Technorati Tags: Awareness, Change, Choice, learning, motivation, parenting, promises, psycho babble, reaction, tips, transactional analysis

Choice is a wonderful topic for a personal development and self-improvement blog to consider. It is for me one of the fundamentals for living a fulfilling life. The more options you can perceive, the more opportunity you have to express who you really are.

If every moment is a choice, then we are simply expressing ourselves as we are in each moment. The choices we make define our own definitions - right, wrong; hot, cold; fun, boring; good, bad etc. It is how we express what we feel about the world we are creating.

There are many who believe (myself included) that what we bring or attract to ourselves is ours to choose. In fact it may be that we attract these things in order to express who we truly are through the choices we then make. Our re-actions are our choice… This is often a sticking point!

Our choice of language often betrays us, we say things like, “That makes me angry.” This gives us no ownership or responsibility for our reactions and feelings. A more empowering statement is, “I’m feeling angry”, or even better, “I’m choosing to feel angry about this.” This concept that we are choosing our feeling gives us the opportunity to choose a different feeling or reaction, the first example has no such opportunity.

There are many books, recordings and such that can help us consider these ideas and our understanding of how our choices impact on our lives. Understanding choice in an abundant life is the key to taking charge and moving away from being the victim of your life to becoming the creator of your experience.

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Technorati Tags: Attraction, Choice, Creating, language, reaction, responsibility

We are all, at some point in our lives, faced with making difficult decisions. These can come about as a direct result or consequence of your thoughts or actions, or occasionally as a result of something outside of your control or responsibility.

At these times, it is important to remember that there are no right or wrong decisions - the right or wrong is yours to decide for yourself. It is how you feel about it that really matters. We are all making decisions all of the time, most are sub-conscious, the measure of difficulty we experience is really the strength of feeling you have about it.

Often people consider the reactions and opinions of those around them and while this can be helpful, at times it presents challenges and obstacles to the decision making process. Remember in this situation that the only thing that really matters is how you feel about the decision.

If it helps, you can project into the future and consider how a future you will feel about your decision at that time. Try to imagine yourself at that point in time having made the choice and write down how you are feeling. You can write a letter to your present self outlining how life is now and what your feelings, thoughts and experience is at this new time.

Once you have done this, then consider the other options you have and project into the future having made those choices. Again if appropriate you can write a letter to your present self.

Once the decision is made and executed, your responsibility for the choice is over. Now your responsibility for your reaction to your choice has begun, so make the decision and move on with your life. Treat your decision with respect and take charge of your future.

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Technorati Tags: reaction, responsibility