We are pleased to announce our new Birmingham venue for our popular Assertiveness, Building Confidence and Self-Esteem Workshops.

The first date is Saturday 27th September 2008 and we’re already booking up. You can see all details of this course and our other courses by visiting our workshops page on the navigation above.

We’re also pleased to be able to offer translations of this blog using the Global Translator Wordpress Plug-In.

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I’ve been having some interesting challenges with my home phone line. To cut a long story short, one particular company took over my phone line and I’ve been trying to return to BT. The last contact I had with BT, the lady on the phone asked me, “Are you happy with the way in which I’ve handled your enquiry?” I was really surprised by this question and it’s got me thinking about situations in life where such a question could be profoundly useful.

Part of my Coaching training has been around designing the alliance - a way of interacting with a client to maximise the use of the time, create direction and purpose for the coaching sessions and establish a successful working partnership. I’ve employed the same principle in some of my personal interactions, with friends and family to great success.

This question though, “are you happy with…” has, for me, some wonderful implications. What a beautiful way of checking how a personal relationship is going! Imagine asking your wife, husband, partner, child, friend, boss, co-worker, etc.,  “are you happy with the way I’m handling our relationship?” To ask such a thing and truly intend to have a positive, co-creative conversation that will enhance an existing relationship is an extraordinary thing to do.

It seems a shame that most people get to the stage where things are really bad in communication with each other before they step in and try and patch things up. Most of the time, of course, this takes the form of blame: “you did this”, “I’m not happy with you”, “you’re always like this” etc. In order that we can create wonderful, positive and enriching relationships, I suggest that we consider what Collette from BT took the courage to ask me… “How am I doing here? Is this working for you? How can we improve this thing we have?”

I hope that you are blessed with wonderful relationships and these ideas may serve you to see how far you can go with them!

Technorati Tags: BT, Customer Service, Personal Development, phone line, relationships, self-improvement

One of the exercises in our free eCourse http://www.aquariuscoaching.co.uk/eCourse.html is to take a good hard look in the mirror. It is amazing the power of such a simple thing (you can sign up for details).

Today I’ll be talking about another tip using a mirror. If you are having a conversation with yourself (which is OK by the way!) then conducting the conversation in front of the mirror can really help. It has many benefits:

1. It is much easier to be truthful to yourself when you can see the person in the mirror.
2. You can more easily motivate yourself or give a pep talk.
3. If you have to make a decision, if there is two of you, you feel more supported.
4. Because there are two of you, you will find you have more ideas.
5. It feels like you are connecting with a deeper part of yourself, the part that knows everything and knows no fear, only love.

There is much more, the best way to find out is do it yourself!

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A high percentage of my clients have challenges with self-confidence. In fact, it is perhaps amongst the commonest of complaints and normally comes bundled with low self-esteem and self-worth.

To become more confident can be a daunting and challenging task. Many people seek help because by default, they do not have the confidence to do it alone. There are many things that can be done to improve self-confidence and the first is to examine the reasons that self-confidence is low.

A quick exercise is to think back to a time when you felt confident. Ask yourself what were you like, what were you doing, who were you with that made you feel confident. Was this self-confidence something you took for granted at that time? If so, what was it that made you feel less confident?

For some people this will be one or two events that triggered the loss of confidence. For other people, it may be that a steady stream of events, or circumstances over time affected their confidence.

Whatever the reasons, most people in this position can remember a time in their past when they felt more confident than they currently do. If you have always felt lacking in confidence, esteem or worth and wish to make changes, then I suggest hiring a life coach or other practitioner to help you.

In order to change to a more self-confident, worthy person with high self esteem, you first of all need to “fake it ’til you make it”. There is perhaps no simpler way of beginning the task than this. Once you can think more confidently and then convince yourself you feel more confident, you will begin to act with more confidence.

There are, of course, supplemental techniques - such as NLP that can help with this process too, so read some books or hire a life coach or NLP practitioner if you want to ensure good quality improvements.

It can be very hard to move out of a place of low self-confidence and it definitely takes a serious conscious effort, however for most people the rewards that confidence brings are worth all the time and work.

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Although I am unable to remember the first time I encountered the idea that it is possible to choose how you feel in any given moment, the effects of this realisation have been immense. I have certainly encountered the idea in many books and personal development courses since.

If this is a new idea to you, then to explain as simply as possible: In any given moment, it is possible to choose how you feel. In fact all your emotions are your own choice and responsibility. Although at times, an emotional response seems to be triggered by an event, the choice of emotion is your own to make.

If this is the first time you have encountered this idea, it can be hard to swallow. There are many benefits to this way of thinking, however, and when you are under pressure, it can serve to help you remain calm and think clearly at a time when others cannot.

This is really another of those “habits” that requires development and practice. It is also fair to say that there are occasions when it all gets forgotten and an automatic response or feeling occurs. This is an emotional response you have been practising for many years and will take time to un-learn.

With awareness comes responsibility… Once you become aware of your ability to choose your emotion or emotional response, your next step is to take responsibility and begin to change your old habits.

If you decide to take steps, then congratulations, you are on the road to reduced stress and increased effectiveness in everything you do.

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Technorati Tags: Change, Choice, feelings, reduce stress, responsibility, self-improvement