It’s really hard to break free from being a victim. I encounter a good deal of people in my work, who are adept at being victims in life. Even when they realise they are being a victim, it can be tricky to move forward and take control.

The problem with being a victim is that you are taking no responsibility for anything in your life. You believe that it is not your fault that you are a victim, it’s just how it is and the circumstances you’ve got. The victim mentality will serve only to keep you a victim forever. You’ll attract people in your life who help you stay firmly rooted and you make choices that encourage your circumstances to lock you in place.

The only way forward is to identify that you are not locked in the grip of people around you, you are in fact choosing to be gripped by them. It is perfectly possible to come out from their grip and take control and charge of your life. In fact they can’t let you go because they are not holding you there, you are holding yourself there.

Victims make excuses, so to be different, you have to let go of your excuses and take responsibility for your actions and reactions. Victims blame it all on being too fat, too tall, too short, or some other reason, and to take control you have to realise that it’s none of those things.

Victims often know exactly what they need to do to stop being a victim, but the lure and the rewards of being a victim are often strong enough to keep them there. It feels very exposed when you let go of your need to be a victim, however it’s worth it because you can never be happy unless you do.

The truth is that a victim is not a victim of another person, or their circumstances, or anything external at all. A victim is a victim only of themselves.