One of the most common fears I encounter in my Confidence Coaching and Training work is the fear of new people. It’s the small talk, the uncomfortable silences and the wondering what on earth the other person must be thinking of you.

Here’s the important thing to know… In reality both of you are doing the same thing. They are not likely to be thinking that you are an idiot, because they are more concerned that they are one themselves. Confidence is hindered a great deal by all this worry and fear… and it’s really not necessary.

There’s a strategy for small talk that helps you to move from the un-interesting bits into a much more meaningful and interesting conversation. The bottom line is that people love to talk about themselves – even those who think they don’t! If you get in front of someone who is able to really listen and will take the time to understand you, then you’ll talk about anything.

What is the strategy? Well, it’s pretty simple really… (I teach a slightly more in-depth process in my Cracking Confidence Workshops)

1. Have a set of stock small talk openers (not absolutely necessary once you are confident with new people) such as the weather (yes really!), topical news (keep it light), sport (most people are aware of the big events etc.) and other such things. Try to avoid bringing up topics where people are likely to be too judgemental, until you have a little experience under your belt.
2. Ask them a simple question – e.g. what do they do for a living?
3. Go a little deeper – “is it something you enjoy doing?”
4. They’ll say yes, no or something resembling “I suppose so”. If it’s yes: “Wow, what do you get from it?”; if no: “What would you rather do instead?”; if I suppose so: “You don’t sound too convinced! What would you rather do instead?”
5. You are on your way into a much more interesting conversation now…

Tip: Don’t be afraid to say, “I have no idea about that” – there is no need to lie and pretend you understand them – in fact, if you are talking about football and it’s not something you have a clue about, you can say, “I can see you’re really into football, personally I’m clueless! So, what is it about football that you love so much?” People love to explain things to you and then that’s the conversation off and running.

It takes practice and remember the golden rule: The vast majority of people are just as scared about meeting new people as you are. They may be better at hiding it! The one’s who aren’t scared about it are good listeners anyway so you’ll find you’re happily talking away to them. There’s nothing really to worry about, other than not doing anything about it of course.