Watching Celebrity Masterchef on BBC 1 this evening, I was struck by Christine Hamilton saying, “It’s when people are nice to me… it’s quite difficult.”
How incredible that a celebrity would have the same challenge as so many “ordinary” people who have self-esteem and confidence issues.
It shows so much about what we think of ourselves if we are unable to deal with people being nice to us.
I meet this so often in the work I do, both in my one-to-one confidence coaching and also in the Cracking Confidence Workshops. I’ve noticed that there are many different reactions to people being nice or giving us compliments:
- Ignoring it
- Laughing it off, or making a joke about it
- Denying it
- Arguing about it
- Passing it onto someone else
- Putting it back onto the person giving the compliment
- Getting emotional about it
What makes it so difficult is that we have no clue what to do with compliments. Most western cultures are programmed from a very early age to find compliments difficult to deal with. What chance do we have really??
The biggest problem is that whenever we use any of the above responses to compliments, we are really just throwing it back in their face and saying, “Your opinion counts for nothing.” It makes the person giving the compliment feel worse… All that is really required is a simple “Thank You!”
When people give a compliment, it is intended to make both people feel good. The recipient gets to feel special and the complimenter gets to feel good for having made someone feel special. None of this works unless you thank them for their compliment.
Lastly, don’t be drawn into thinking that you have to immediately return the compliment… if you absolutely have to pass it on, find someone else to give it to.