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Tag: Exercise

What are we doing to our young adults?

Over the last few years or so, I’ve worked with a great many young adults – normally in their early 20s and having recently finished University. The overwhelming impression I get is that they are apathetic to life. They are drawn into the negative thinking and feelings that the “recession” has created and because they have to work hard to find a job, they soon get disillusioned and enter into a “there’s no point in trying” attitude.

In many ways, it’s really easy to see why so many of our young adults are now so apathetic, it’s pretty easy to make the excuse that it’s too hard to find work these days, so therefore they have no money to go out and enjoy themselves… However this really doesn’t help them at all. I can’t imagine what damage this is all doing to them for their future lives and how this will effect their attitude as they plod through life.

What is increasingly scary is that many of them are being prescribed anti-depressants, when all they really need to do is get some exercise, get a hobby and start doing something with their lives. Those who will thrive in this more difficult economic climate, are the ones who are able to think differently and will find a way to create an income out of the things that they love to do. The truth is, there is lots of money out there to be had – I’ve met so many people recently who are making lots of money, by thinking for themselves and putting themselves out there.

This poor, depressed generation of young people in their 20s are in for a rough life. Their expectations will shape their development and future life progress. Imagine if they start out by feeling like there’s no point in trying… what are this generation going to be like in their 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s? Depression is only the tip of the iceberg for this generation, unless we can get through to them and show them that actually there is a huge opportunity for them out there.

What is this opportunity? Well to be honest, it’s whatever they want for themselves. Hopefully they can learn that there is an alternative to working really hard in a job you detest. If you can find a way to create an income out of something you love to do, then you are in for a fantastic life. The world is changing and this generation are either going to spiral into depression and apathy, or they will rise above it all and be the generation who create the great change that we are so desperately needing.

If there is a young adult in your life who is lost, lacking in confidence and generally sliding into apathy… recommend that they do something about it. My confidence workshop is a good place to begin, or I offer one-to-one coaching which can really help kick start them into action and then see through their goals.

This is a really big problem and it’s going to take some serious intervention to make a significant difference to these young people.

2 Comments by Dan O'Neil on August 18, 2010
filed in Life Purpose, confidence, motivation, parenting
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Be Your Own Life Coach – Getting the Best Out of Yourself

I’ve been thinking a great deal lately about the role of a life coach in someone’s life. To me, unless you are incredibly self-sufficient, if one of your goals is to be the best you can be, then you need a coach. The life coach’s role is to challenge you to new levels of achievement and happiness in order that you can exceed your own expectations of how far you are able to go. Working with someone who is impartial and has the ability to help you to see beyond your highest vision of yourself is an incredible experience (one which I would sorely miss if I didn’t have the opportunity myself).

So what can you do to get the best out of yourself? Here is an exercise that will help you:

  1. Grab a pad and write down as much as you can to express the highest vision of yourself that you are able to see. Imagine that anything is possible – don’t limit yourself by your current situation or experiences. It can be a really useful exercise to consider a particular area of your life – maybe one that you wish to make improvements to. You can pick from friends, family, health, work, recreation, character, money, physical environment, spiritual or choose a word that has meaning to you. Make it more of a description of yourself (than simply a list of words) in relation to your chosen area. Ensure that you write it in the present tense as though it is happening now. Ignore the doubts and negative thoughts and feelings you might have as you are writing – it’s not important whether you believe you can be, do or have any of this right now. We’ll call this your “New Desire for Yourself”.
  2. If you are a believer in the Law of Attraction (and usually make things happen for yourself) then this may already be enough for you to begin to create this reality in your life. Simply read it through every day – making enhancements and improvements if you feel like it – and really believe this “New Desire for Yourself” is your reality now. If you want to make sure, then you can move onto the next step.
  3. Considering your current situation and reality, begin to write down a list of options available to you in order to begin to move towards this “New Desire for Yourself”. Be open to anything that you think of, even if it seems like a ridiculous option, write it down. For many people, this list of options will grow and evolve over a period of a few days or weeks – as you read it through every day (as often as possible really) then ideas will come up that you can add to the list. Now, at some point you are going to have to take some action to change.
  4. Take action! Massive action will lead to massive results – if you are really serious about making these changes and achieving your new desire, then you have to make big changes. I’d suggest that for the majority of people who “try” out the law of attraction, their biggest downfall is not taking action or making changes. You can’t think things into being – you have to do something also!

I genuinely believe that there is no substitute for coaching if you are in pursuit of self-excellence. However, there is much that you can do by yourself and I hope that this simple process will help you to create a better reality for yourself.

24 Comments by Dan O'Neil on September 9, 2008
filed in Goal Setting, Life Coaching
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10 Top Tips on How to Build Your Self-Esteem

Many of my clients come to me with very little self-esteem and this question about how to build your self-esteem comes up frequently. Below I’ve listed a few ideas that can help you to begin the process of building your self-esteem up.

  1. Keep a Diary. This is a really important step because if you do not have anything written down that you can refer to along the way, it’s really difficult to see how far you’ve come.
  2. Ask 5 of your friends to list 5 positive qualities or things they respect or admire about you. Keep your conversation with them simple and don’t get drawn into a long conversation about what you expect from them. Simply allow them to complete the exercise however they choose. When you get the sheets back, read them a few times – you’ll be amazed!
  3. Keep a “fluffy file” (or something more manly if you prefer) that contains all your feedback from no.2 as well as any letters of praise you receive or things that remind you of your positive qualities. Some people like to keep birthday cards with special messages inside. Whenever you feel low, get out your file and look through it.
  4. Define the important roles in your life – such as a parent, a partner, an employee, a business owner, a son, a niece, a friend etc. It’s possible to come up with quite a long list of these roles. Once you have your list, think about each one and consider your place in each of them. How important is this role to you? What do you do well in this role? If the role affects another person, in what ways to you enrich their lives? Remember to be positive about this, if you think negative thoughts about your roles in life, then it’s not going to help your self-esteem. For some people this process can be difficult and it may be worth considering help from a life coach or other therapist.
  5. Think about the following questions – it can be helpful to write down your answers and do this process every few months (at least every 6).
    • What are your strengths?
    • What have you achieved so far in your life?
    • Who in your life appreciates you?
    • What do you like about yourself?
    • What positive qualities do others see in you?
  6. Read books – there are lots of great self-help books to choose from. Read the titles of them in your local bookstore and grab the first one that speaks to you.
  7. Use one or some of the following affirmations – or create your own. Repeat these over and over to yourself either out loud or in your head. A good idea is to stick them to the bathroom mirror and you’ll remember to do this process when you brush your teeth morning and night.
    • I am a valuable person
    • I feel good about myself
    • I love and approve of myself
    • I am good at the things I do
    • I am a popular member of the team
  8. Get help! For some people this process of building your self-esteem seems like such a hard job and a long road, that it’s just too much to begin. Ask yourself if you want to feel better about yourself. If the answer is yes, but it all seems a bit overwhelming, then contact someone who can help you. A life coach for example will help you to break it down into easy steps which don’t seem so daunting. It is also helpful to speak to someone who won’t judge you or say something like, “You should be happier in yourself” or something equally un-helpful. The people around you care about you and just want you to be happy, however their “advice” and comments are not always going to be helpful to your progress.
  9. Have a long hard look in the mirror. For many people this is such a hard thing to do and they instantly find that lots of voices appear in their head saying things like, “you’re ugly” or “you’ve got a crooked nose” etc. Force yourself to stand there and understand that these voices are simply your doubts and fears surfacing. Do not allow them to take a hold of you and recognise all the beautiful things about yourself – you are unique (even if you are an identical twin) and you deserve to love yourself no matter what you look like on the outside.
  10. Go on a date with yourself. Do something that you love doing – maybe it’s the theatre or the cinema or out for a meal. Yes, it’s a bit odd doing those things by yourself, but the point of this exercise is to enjoy your own company! Alternatively, you could consider going somewhere new – perhaps joining a new club – without taking your partner, family or friends along for support. This is all about you learning to love yourself and think more positively about yourself. It will stretch you out of your comfort zone into your freedom zone (for an explanation follow the link).

Remember that change takes time. You can begin to feel better about yourself immediately, however you’ll need 3-6 weeks to make this new habit stick.

Related posts: 10 Top Tips for Super-Confidence, 10 Top Tips for Assertiveness

11 Comments by Dan O'Neil on August 14, 2008
filed in self-esteem, tips
tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Confidence, Self-Esteem and Worth

A high percentage of my clients have challenges with self-confidence. In fact, it is perhaps amongst the commonest of complaints and normally comes bundled with low self-esteem and self-worth.

To become more confident can be a daunting and challenging task. Many people seek help because by default, they do not have the confidence to do it alone. There are many things that can be done to improve self-confidence and the first is to examine the reasons that self-confidence is low.

A quick exercise is to think back to a time when you felt confident. Ask yourself what were you like, what were you doing, who were you with that made you feel confident. Was this self-confidence something you took for granted at that time? If so, what was it that made you feel less confident?

For some people this will be one or two events that triggered the loss of confidence. For other people, it may be that a steady stream of events, or circumstances over time affected their confidence.

Whatever the reasons, most people in this position can remember a time in their past when they felt more confident than they currently do. If you have always felt lacking in confidence, esteem or worth and wish to make changes, then I suggest hiring a life coach or other practitioner to help you.

In order to change to a more self-confident, worthy person with high self esteem, you first of all need to “fake it ’til you make it”. There is perhaps no simpler way of beginning the task than this. Once you can think more confidently and then convince yourself you feel more confident, you will begin to act with more confidence.

There are, of course, supplemental techniques – such as NLP that can help with this process too, so read some books or hire a life coach or NLP practitioner if you want to ensure good quality improvements.

It can be very hard to move out of a place of low self-confidence and it definitely takes a serious conscious effort, however for most people the rewards that confidence brings are worth all the time and work.

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No Comments by Dan O'Neil on August 26, 2007
filed in Life Coaching, confidence, self-esteem, tips
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