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Tag: Self Confidence

Self-Esteem Boosting Tip

Something I’ve noticed over the years of working with people who lack confidence and self-esteem is that they tend to give themselves away. What exactly do I mean by this? Well if you suffer from low self-esteem or confidence then you’ll relate to the following…

  • “Is this OK?” / “Am I doing this right?”
  • “It’s only me…”
  • “I’m just a [insert job title/role here]“
  • “Sorry…” – apologising to everybody about everything.

All of these phrases (and all of the others you use) serve only to give away your power and reinforce your beliefs and thinking that you are not worth much. In order to successfully build your self-esteem and then ultimately your confidence, you will have to find a way to stop this leaking out of your mouth.

One simple way is to laugh when you notice you are doing it. There is no need to beat yourself up about it, simply be happy that you are beginning to notice it and then laugh. Pretty soon, you’ll find that you are picking up more and more of these phrases and then after a little while longer they will begin to stop.

Allow yourself the room to get it wrong – you are certainly not going to spot all of these things straight away, it will take you time. Each one you catch is one more than before, so it’s ok to let some of them slip the net. With a little patience and practice, you’ll find that you stop undermining your self-esteem and self-confidence in this way.

9 Comments by Dan O'Neil on May 11, 2010
filed in confidence, self-esteem
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Famous People Get Nervous Too

According to this BBC Report, Robbie Williams has problems with his confidence. For most people, this will be totally dismissed as nonesense because it doesn’t make sense that someone with confidence issues could sing live in front of thousands or even millions of people. However the truth is that everyone experiences confidence challenges, however there are some people who have learned to get through it.

There is no need to make comparisons between ourselves and famous people like Robbie Williams, our own experience of confidence is our own. No-one is likely to ask you to sing in front of thousands of people, and if they did you’d have to get through it somehow, or run for the hills.

The bottom line is it’s ok to have issues with your confidence. There are some people in life who push themselves to overcome their fears to see how well they can master their self-confidence. Again, this is not something that you are likely to choose for yourself. What we can learn from these people who do it anyway, in spite of their fears and lack of confidence, is that we can overcome these things for ourselves. For you it might be that speaking up in a meeting fills you with fear and dread, or it might be doing some public speaking, or as simple as speaking with a difficult boss.

We are all capable of overcoming our fears and finding our inner confidence. Sometimes it can be as simple as giving yourself a push in the right direction – so if you are asked to do a presentation, accept before you think to say no! Once you’ve got through it, of course you are going to review your performance – don’t forget the things you did right! For one, you got up there and you did it – which is unlike your normal self. Learn to focus only on the good points – ok it’s hard, but it’s better than beating yourself up!

If you ask someone who appears to have good confidence, “What areas do you feel you struggle with your confidence”, there won’t be many people who answer, “None”. From my own experience of coaching un-confident people and those who attend my workshops, I find that the vast majority of them appear to be confident already. It’s about how you feel, and realising that you are not the only one… it happens to everyone.

Take a leaf out of Robbie’s book and just do it.

34 Comments by Dan O'Neil on October 21, 2009
filed in Uncategorized
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Celebrate and Fix, Review Your Year

This time of year is perfect for considering what our plans for next year might be. The first thing I like to do is have a review, or “Celebrate and Fix” for the current year. This involves celebrating and recognising yourself for all your achievements this year. It can be very useful to check against your year plan if you have one.

The fix part of this is not designed to be a negative look at your year, for me there is no value in this. Fix is to do with anything that you have achieved or things you have done which you can improve on for the future. This can be a very valuable session to have in Coaching as it can really help clear the way for focus on the coming year and your goals and desires.

How to deal with the items on your list that haven’t been done? Well, start by considering if they are still things you wish to achieve and are still excited about. Then if you are, they can go on next year’s plan if appropriate. If there are things on there you feel you should have done, then make a new commitment to yourself to get them done. To spend time concentrating on why you haven’t done it is not usually productive and ends up in self-criticism and lower self-esteem and confidence.

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No Comments by Dan O'Neil on November 22, 2007
filed in Goal Setting, Life Coaching, tips
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Confidence, Self-Esteem and Worth

A high percentage of my clients have challenges with self-confidence. In fact, it is perhaps amongst the commonest of complaints and normally comes bundled with low self-esteem and self-worth.

To become more confident can be a daunting and challenging task. Many people seek help because by default, they do not have the confidence to do it alone. There are many things that can be done to improve self-confidence and the first is to examine the reasons that self-confidence is low.

A quick exercise is to think back to a time when you felt confident. Ask yourself what were you like, what were you doing, who were you with that made you feel confident. Was this self-confidence something you took for granted at that time? If so, what was it that made you feel less confident?

For some people this will be one or two events that triggered the loss of confidence. For other people, it may be that a steady stream of events, or circumstances over time affected their confidence.

Whatever the reasons, most people in this position can remember a time in their past when they felt more confident than they currently do. If you have always felt lacking in confidence, esteem or worth and wish to make changes, then I suggest hiring a life coach or other practitioner to help you.

In order to change to a more self-confident, worthy person with high self esteem, you first of all need to “fake it ’til you make it”. There is perhaps no simpler way of beginning the task than this. Once you can think more confidently and then convince yourself you feel more confident, you will begin to act with more confidence.

There are, of course, supplemental techniques – such as NLP that can help with this process too, so read some books or hire a life coach or NLP practitioner if you want to ensure good quality improvements.

It can be very hard to move out of a place of low self-confidence and it definitely takes a serious conscious effort, however for most people the rewards that confidence brings are worth all the time and work.

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No Comments by Dan O'Neil on August 26, 2007
filed in Life Coaching, confidence, self-esteem, tips
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