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Tag: self-improvement

Is The Opposite Also True?

A quick personal development tip today, inspired by a comment on my post about Minding Your Language. Something that really helps me in my on-going personal development and self-improvement is to spend some time every now and again challenging my beliefs about things. It’s something that I’ve picked up along the way and it is to ask myself the simple question, “Is the opposite also true?”

Actually, this question has uses well beyond simply challenging your beliefs, it can help you to get the measure of ideas, thoughts and goals that you may have. When do I use it? Well quite simply, I use this particular gem as often as I remember to. Sometimes I’m great at it, other times, I forget! Most often, I use this when I have an important decision to make, or when I find I am making a judgment about someone or something.

In NLP there is a presupposition that everyone has their own unique view of the world. This is so easy to forget when we are communicating or working with other people. To have something handy in your mental arsenal to throw in when you need it is so useful and helps keep you one step ahead of your automatic judgments.

Sometimes I’ll catch myself defending one of my opinions or beliefs about something so energetically and enthusiastically. It’s such a strong defense that I really try hard to question and challenge myself to ensure that I really feel that way about it. In doing this, sometimes you’ll make really huge breakthroughs that will un-stick your thinking and help you move past obstacles that you never knew existed. Other times, it will really help you to understand another persons point of view, without actually changing or shaping your own.

Try it, have fun with it and remember to challenge yourself as often as you remember to do so!

Assertiveness, Building Confidence and Self-Esteem Courses in Birmingham

We are pleased to announce our new Birmingham venue for our popular Assertiveness, Building Confidence and Self-Esteem Workshops.

The first date is Saturday 27th September 2008 and we’re already booking up. You can see all details of this course and our other courses by visiting our workshops page on the navigation above.

We’re also pleased to be able to offer translations of this blog using the Global Translator WordPress Plug-In.

Personal Customer Service

I’ve been having some interesting challenges with my home phone line. To cut a long story short, one particular company took over my phone line and I’ve been trying to return to BT. The last contact I had with BT, the lady on the phone asked me, “Are you happy with the way in which I’ve handled your enquiry?” I was really surprised by this question and it’s got me thinking about situations in life where such a question could be profoundly useful.

Part of my Coaching training has been around designing the alliance – a way of interacting with a client to maximise the use of the time, create direction and purpose for the coaching sessions and establish a successful working partnership. I’ve employed the same principle in some of my personal interactions, with friends and family to great success.

This question though, “are you happy with…” has, for me, some wonderful implications. What a beautiful way of checking how a personal relationship is going! Imagine asking your wife, husband, partner, child, friend, boss, co-worker, etc.,  “are you happy with the way I’m handling our relationship?” To ask such a thing and truly intend to have a positive, co-creative conversation that will enhance an existing relationship is an extraordinary thing to do.

It seems a shame that most people get to the stage where things are really bad in communication with each other before they step in and try and patch things up. Most of the time, of course, this takes the form of blame: “you did this”, “I’m not happy with you”, “you’re always like this” etc. In order that we can create wonderful, positive and enriching relationships, I suggest that we consider what Collette from BT took the courage to ask me… “How am I doing here? Is this working for you? How can we improve this thing we have?”

I hope that you are blessed with wonderful relationships and these ideas may serve you to see how far you can go with them!

Empowering Yourself With The Right Questions

I once learned from a colleague a very useful and very powerful idea regarding empowering yourself by choosing the right questions. I’m really not sure where the idea originally came from, however it has been a very useful one for me over the years and I’d love to share it here.

Let me start by asking a question of you… If something that you do not like has happened, what is the first question that pops into your head? For most people, the answer is “Why did that happen?” or “Why does this keep happening to me?”, right before they set about answering the question and going around in circles trying to understand it.

If your goal is self-improvement or to learn from such experiences then this question of “Why?” is very unlikely to provide you with opportunities to learn anything about yourself. The answers are likely to lie in the areas where you have no responsibility, such as other people, objects, or simply the whole concept of “fate” or “destiny”.

My colleague presented me with the word “How” and invited me to question such events by asking things like, “How can I learn from this?” or “How can I create a more positive outcome in the future?”. In these types of questions, your answers are likely to fall into the areas where you have all the responsibility – your thoughts, choices, behaviours and actions. Ok, so it is possible to ask the question “How can they improve?” etc, but this hardly serves to empower you.

So to be truly empowering these “How?” questions need to focus on your role in the event or experience and how you can move forward for now or for next time. This has been quite transformational for me and a great way for me to create myself and shape my experiences in the world.

In coaching, the “How?” questions can really help to move a client forward and create awareness – in this case the questions focus on the client’s thoughts, choices, behaviours and actions.

It’s Your Choice

Choice is a wonderful topic for a personal development and self-improvement blog to consider. It is for me one of the fundamentals for living a fulfilling life. The more options you can perceive, the more opportunity you have to express who you really are.

If every moment is a choice, then we are simply expressing ourselves as we are in each moment. The choices we make define our own definitions – right, wrong; hot, cold; fun, boring; good, bad etc. It is how we express what we feel about the world we are creating.

There are many who believe (myself included) that what we bring or attract to ourselves is ours to choose. In fact it may be that we attract these things in order to express who we truly are through the choices we then make. Our re-actions are our choice… This is often a sticking point!

Our choice of language often betrays us, we say things like, “That makes me angry.” This gives us no ownership or responsibility for our reactions and feelings. A more empowering statement is, “I’m feeling angry”, or even better, “I’m choosing to feel angry about this.” This concept that we are choosing our feeling gives us the opportunity to choose a different feeling or reaction, the first example has no such opportunity.

There are many books, recordings and such that can help us consider these ideas and our understanding of how our choices impact on our lives. Understanding choice in an abundant life is the key to taking charge and moving away from being the victim of your life to becoming the creator of your experience.

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