The evidence I’ve gained from my experience suggests that a lack of confidence comes from a collection of fears that people have. There are four common categories of fears listed below – almost all the fears that effect confidence fall into one of these categories:
- People – socially, peer group, powerful people, superiors, etc.
- What People Might Think Of Me – will people like me, find me attractive and/or interesting
- Failure – will the outcome be as bad as I think it is going to be, not being good enough
- Success – will the outcome be as good as I think it could be and how will I handle it
Far and away the largest fears seem to be in the “What People Might Think Of Me” category. For example, being confident can easily be mistaken for being arrogant or cocky and this is a big fear for a lot of people. For some, it’s easier to be un-confident, than to run the risk of looking arrogant. The truth is that truly confident people do not come across as arrogant – there is a big difference between that and being self-assured. Arrogant people try and be better than others, confident people have no need for such petty behaviours.
Fear affects us in so many different ways – it inhibits our true selves and causes changes in our behaviour that we would not normally choose. Ultimately, if you lack confidence, you have fears which are getting in the way of your thinking, your words and your actions. Overcoming the fears means facing them.