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Tag: work

Building Up Confidence After Absence From Work

On our confidence and assertiveness courses we frequently find that one or two people have had an extended period of absence from work, or have been out of work for some time. For these people, they describe themselves as having lost their confidence. Sometimes, they return to work and things are not how they were – sometimes processes have changed, staff have changed, or they feel like an outsider. For those who return to work after unemployment, it can feel like you’re starting right back at the bottom of the pile again. This can be hard and unexpected; especially if you are someone who is normally pretty confident.

It can be really quite difficult to regain your footing and return to work as normal. There are a few ideas below that can help you to make the transition as smooth as possible.

  1. Expectations: If you have positive expectations about your return to work, this can really help you to get through the initial few days and actually can serve to settle your nerves and put you in a good frame of mind to plan how you will approach it. If you’ve already started back at work, then you can still make the decision to expect a good experience going forward. In my opinion this step is vital – if you have negative expectations (for example that it is going to be difficult) then you are unlikely to be able to think clearly enough to help yourself plan your return or your re-integration.
  2.  Ask for help: The last thing you want to do is try and do everything by yourself. Find someone who you trust – either a mentor, a supportive partner, a colleague at work or even your line manager or boss. A lot of companies these days will have a return to work interview, or if you are new, will have a new starters meeting. If not, then ask for one. Use these sessions to ask for support and voice any concerns you have about your return.
  3. Plan: This is something that most people overlook – they simply return to work without a plan of action and find life pretty tough. Think about the things that concern you – if it is going back to work with a team who may have gotten used to life without you, then why not organise a team get together outside work. Maybe to celebrate your return – most people will be really happy to spend some time with you and normally this takes some of the issues you’re facing away. The same can apply to a new team you are entering – why not organise something a day or so into your new role and get to know people away from work. Sometimes there may be issues with other colleagues and to find this out when you return to work can be much more difficult. If you can, organise appointments or meetings with these people and get together to discuss your concerns or your re-integration. Most of the time, people find these appointments very daunting, but their experience when they find the courage to do this, is that the people are really nice and supportive of them.
  4. Employ someone to help you: A Life Coach or other therapist or specialist can really help you to put together your plan of action and talk through your fears and concerns. For some people it is an extremely daunting thing to find the confidence to return to work after an absence. Understand that you are not alone in this experience and that there are ways for you to succeed on your own, or with help of a professional.

If you are faced with this situation, then don’t enter into it without some planning up front. Find someone who will help you, either someone from work or employ a professional. Expect good things – there’s no point expecting doom and gloom otherwise that’s all you’ll find.

See also: 10 Top Tips for building Confidence

The Middle Of The Week

I’ve just been adding a few appointments to the diary for next week and I was thinking that as it’s Thursday that we’re nearing the end of the week. It was then that I noticed that actually Thursday is the middle of the week (Monday to Sunday) and there is still almost half a week left of this one. It strikes me that perhaps time is the only thing we treat in this way… for example there are not many people who get half way through a drink and think that they are nearing the end of it!

It’s so easy for us to slip into the trap of living from our free time to our next free time (for most, weekend to weekend) that we forget about the moment. Work occupies so much of our lives and for the vast majority of people, there is no excitement or will to be working. I feel privileged to be doing something that I love, to the point that it no longer feels like work. So for most, there are 5 days of 7 spent dealing (and accumulating stress) with something that enables us to have 2 days that we can call our own. To me it seems as though this is a really sorry state of affairs and one that can be really helped by a shift in attitude.

I’m always banging on about how we need dreams and goals in our lives to make sense and meaning out of the work that we do and I guess that’s one way to help us to remain present and focused during the times we spend at work.  If you find yourself in this space of living from precious weekend to precious weekend, with the inconvenience of work in between then the chances are that you do not have personal goals in place to be working towards. It becomes too easy to be tired when you get home and even bring work home to the point where you have neither the time nor energy to do anything in your free time. I suppose this is what is called the daily grind!

In the absence of finding what you love to do for a living, then find what you love to do in your spare time and use your living to fund and facilitate that. I often have clients who tell me that they are in a place that they wouldn’t describe as being depressed, but they are feeling unhappy about their lives. In the vast majority of these cases, simply plugging them back into their personal goals in life, transforms how they are feeling and they are able to move forward in all aspects of their lives.

If you are living your life from weekend to weekend or day-off to day-off, then make sure you have some personal goals in place that will help you to keep upbeat and positive in the stressful times you may be experiencing.

Excuses, excuses, excuses… Just Do It

It doesn’t happen all that often to me now, but occasionally I find that I lack motivation to do the jobs I have to do. This evening was one such time and if I didn’t know my signals better, I’d have simply written it off. However, I recognise the signs well and most of the time I can suspend my negative thinking and get on with things anyway.

I think the key to success in this area is in learning about yourself – what are the triggers and the warning signs that you are about to enter some thinking that will stop you getting on with your work or life. For me, I have some internal dialogue (voices in my head!) that give me helpful advice or sometimes tell me that I must be coming down with something. The older, less wise, versions of myself used to take these nuggets as truths and procrastinate like crazy. Normally this would have resulted in some kind of cold – or at least a bigger mess for not having done the work.

Now these voices are much quieter and I consider myself very fortunate to be able to hear them for what they are… EXCUSES. I know this about myself and I am able to take responsibility for the fact that I simply don’t want to have to do whatever it is I know I have to do. Once I realise, the task can be started and completed and 99% of the time, it’s much more fun than I imagined it would be.

Do You Have To Work Hard To Get Anywhere In Life?

For most of my life I have tried to do less and achieve more. For the most part this has been in vain! However it has always been in my mind that the belief, “you have to work hard to get anywhere in life”, really doesn’t fit for me. I appreciate that the people who might be considered successful actually seem to work hard, however there is much more to the story than simply putting in the hours and watching the success and money roll in.

You have to do something that you love. Something that you love to do is never a chore; it never seems like hard work and it always leaves you feeling energised. The belief that you have to work hard to get anywhere in life, on the surface seems true. All the evidence of successful people points to working hard, for long hours and normally struggling to make ends meet in the beginning.

However, if it is something you love to do, it will never feel like hard work, the hours will never seem long and the struggle is all part of the fun of the journey. So many people have said that the joy is in the journey, not the destination. Of course, without a destination there can be no journey.

The bottom line is that you are the one who says what is hard work for you. If you feel as though you are working hard and struggling all the time with it, the chances are that you do not love what you do and there may be a better choice for you. Now before you go and quit your job and live out your lifelong dream… get some help and support – friends, family, maybe even a coach (of course I’d love to help you!) and make sensible plans to create the changes you wish to see.

If you already do what you love to do, then I expect you feel the way that I do, that work doesn’t feel like work! If not, find what you love to do and join the rising number of people who are creating their life purpose on their own terms.

Visualisation – Think It, Feel It, Be It

One of the most important components of dreams, goals and the Law of Attraction is visualisation. Most people understand the basic concept of picturing that which they want in their mind. It is not a new concept, but it has certainly reached more people since the release of the film The Secret. It’s well discussed there and in numerous other books, articles, dvds etc. More information and resources can be found by clicking this link to Amazon – The Secret at Amazon

The thing to remember is that in order to take this tool to its fullest potential in your life, you need to create not only images in your mind. The extra ingredients of feelings, emotions, sounds and any other senses you can include, creates a more powerful visualisation and with it a more powerful link between you and that which you want. The more real the reality in your head, the more real the reality in your life will become.

This is not a tool simply to create money or objects in your life, you can use this to define who you are. For instance, if you lack confidence, then visualising yourself as confident, picturing what you are doing, how you look, how you sound, how you feel and as much detail as possible, is a fantastic way to increase your confidence. Spend time every day thinking about this and including these extra details into your mental images. In fact for some people, they find mental images challenging, but can easily create a sense or a feeling in their minds – for these people, work on your mental images. It is important to practice and above all, have fun with this. Once you believe it in your mind, you can see, feel, hear, smell and even taste it, you will know deep down that this will be your reality. You are on the road to success in whatever you want – enjoy the journey!

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